linda

Moved.

2009-08-09T02:36:00.001-07:00

I have moved to other site. Do re-link me. I won't be deleting this blog, I will keep this blog as long as I could. Because it contains a lot of memories.

http://leanduh.onsugar.com

Boring.

2009-08-07T08:10:00.001-07:00

I will update with there is any interesting stories to share. Most prolly, I will be back in a few weeks time. I'm getting bored with life. Can't be bothered with those people who set their eyes on me~ (perasan) but, I'm loving my life as how it is now.

I have been trying to move on to the next step but something is pulling me back, real hard.

Everything's new.

2009-08-05T21:30:00.000-07:00

Last update was on 1st of August. I don't have the mood to update this days. And other than that, I have got no interesting stories to share so might as well I leave this blog dead for a week or more.

But recently, something that I do not wished happened. But now, I'm fine & have move on. I really thinks that this kind of thing really troubles me a lot. I've shed my tears for I don't know how many times, I had sacrificed everything for I don't know many times and in the end, I got this after seven months. Good ah =D

Thanks to those who cheer me up & understand my situation especially my sister.

Anyway, Friday performances at Eden school. Yesterday rehearsals, cocked up. All of us are not ready yet and some of them gives us problems. I can't tolerate them, very tired. They are stubborn including me. But after we reached school, I love all of them because they started to become more co-operative and the teamwork is there. They are not playful like what they are at the Eden school. So today, there's another practice and I have to go because the CD are with me. And, I absent myself from school today because I have got rashes all over my hands and body & finally, it has faded because I've used up the cream that are meant for rashes. I cried last night because it was damn horrible & itchy. I wanted my mum to be back home at that time BUT she can't because she was on her way to Expo for some thalil reading thing. I endure with everything & sleep the whole night.

The next day, I woke up early and realised that I'm having slight fever. I had panadols & had rest and now, I am back on track. Wah, so many things happened to me recently! The worst thing is, I missed today's letter writting short test! I hope that I would get to do it on Tuesday.

Ok, I don't feel like updating now so just read what I've typed. Enjoy your day aye readers! Whatever happens, do cheer up! :D

Anyway, Happy National Day in advance! :)

Ok, sorry for the SINGLISH post. My english are terrible!

Hiatus.

2009-08-01T09:14:00.000-07:00

I really need break and the best time to have it is, now.

One wish.

2009-08-01T01:08:00.000-07:00

I have decided to removed the previous post because it sounded so...emoticonal. So yeah, I think I have nothing to blog about. I'm glad that I'm okay now. And I have family gathering later. I really can't wait to meet my cousins. New hot stories to be shared!

Anyway, I want a new handphone & a new wallet (Guess) But you know I can't depend on my mom anymore. I have to save up. Awwww :'(

Yeah yeah.

2009-07-30T03:10:00.000-07:00

No no no.
Don't tell me I lose the game because I think I'm not losing.
I personally thinks that this game that I have to play is kinda complicated.
you are not going to anywhere, stuck in the middle of the road and still tryna hard to win over me in this game.
Better don't be proud of yourself when actually you know, you are nothing as to compared with me.

Damn it. What a day!

2009-07-30T02:31:00.000-07:00

Today, almost everyone spoiled my mood except for my friends. I am so pissed off with those kids who scolded me when I look at them. I am not a doll, I have feelings. I was happened to look up so what's the matter with that? Oh damn. And due to that, I don't have the mood for Art but actually, when I'm not in the mood, I could draw it quite well. And it's my first concentrating on my Art work. I was quite surprised when Mdm R have to correct my eyes only. And the rest of the parts are not bad after all.

I don't know why I don't have the mood to eat during recess. Maybe, I was so stressed up during Art. I only had Green Apple (my all time favourite). And since I'm having EBS, English & CPA later, I have to filled up my stomach so that it won't trouble me later asking me to eat. So, I had egg tart for myself. -.-

Ebs was fun because we went to MPR3 and had some session with our company. I really had fun laughing and at the same time, advising. Wah, I am qualified to become an adviser/counsellor. Serious. I will always be the one who console people. Walaowei! When my turn, no one came up to me to make me feel better. Not fair! Hahaha. So when I was taking my time thinking which to choose, suddenly I feel like eating potato chips. Looking at the paper, we have to label the potato chips that are from different brand. Wah, tempting gila. But what to do? I can't have it at that period of time.

After school, I went home straight because I don't feel like hanging out and besides that, Shidah wanted to go back home too. So since my ez-link had expired yesterday, I decided to walk back home with Farhana because I wanted to save my money for some things. So yeah, when we were walking, we really have a good talk. We did talk a lot. From A-Z but hell-o, we didn't talk about people. We talk about our own life. Hahaha.

Tomorrow is Friday & its the last day of school for the week. I really need a break. My brain can explode any time if I don't have a break. I am tired. My brains could not function no more. I have to study Mathematics, English & EBS all by myself. I don't have tuition because my tutor has already started working. It was kinda disappointing but what to do? Mum thought of replacing a new tutor but I can't. I'm used to her teaching and I cannot move on to the new one. Different people, different ways of teaching. Right? So yeah, I better study on my own. That would be much more better. At least, it paid off. But nah, no. I failed my maths. I got 10 out of 25 and that was really bad. Because why? I didn't study. I study the day when I took my maths test. But 10 was not bad anyway. The mistakes that I've made is, being careless. If I were to put in more effort & be careful, I would've score better than this. But it's okay, this is not the last test anyway. Or is it?

National day is coming soon! Why am I so excited when I don't even HAVE the tickets with me? Haiya. I have to catch it on TV. I want to watch live, I want the bags and the stuff inside. This year ain't like last year. For the past years, I've been getting those stuff eventhough I did not go. It's either my brother or brother in law would give us one. But the best year is 2005 when I was primary 5, I went to the stadium but we only watched the rehearsals. At least, we get the chance to go there. Right?

Is H1N1 over? I am so tired of taking temperature almost everyday! Errrg. Oh, I got scolded by Mr lee because I came late to school today. Blame on the bus, not me! Stupid. If its not for the bus, I would have reached school much more earlier ah. But whenever he scold me, I just feel like quitting school. Serious. I did nagged at myself just now. Hahaha. Crazy eh but I'm not lah. I was just pissed off man! Don't shout at us lah. You can talk to us nicely what. Nevermind, my bad anyway for coming to school late. Become a habit already :)

Saturday! I will get to meet my cousins! Woohhhoooo. I missed them so much. I didn't get to meet them at the last gathering because I was having my AYG. :)

I think I've blogged too much. I should get going now because I need to complete my homework which I've not done yet.

Quizes.

2009-07-28T08:09:00.001-07:00

1.Real Name : Julinda.
2. Nickname(s) : Linda.
3. Star signs : Libra
4. Male or female : Female
5. Primary School : Shuqun Primary School.
6. Secondary School : Jurongville Secondary School.
7. JC/Poly : No.
8. Hair Colour : Dark brown
9. Long or Short : Medium length.
10. Loud or quiet : Loud.
11. Sweats or Jeans : Jeans.
12. Phone or Camera : Handphone.
13. Health freak : Definitely, No.
14. Drink or smoke : Not at all.
15. Do you have a crush on someone? : Absolutely, Yes.
16. Eat or Drink : Both.
17. Piercings : No.
18. Tattoos : No.

HAVE YOU EVER?
19. In an airplane : Yes.
20. Been in a relationship : Yes.
21. Been in a car accident : No.
22. Been in a fist fight : No.
23. First piercing : No.
24. First best friend : Nabillah Syazwani. (when we're in kindergarten)
25. First award : Good progress award.
26. First crush : I've forgotten his name.
27. First vacation : Can't re-call.

LASTS :
28. Last person you talked to : Anisah.
29. Last person you texted : Shahrin.
30. Last person you watched a movie with : Sister.
31. Last food you ate : Rice with egg.
32. Last movie you watched : Drag me to hell.
33. Last song you listened to : Takin' Back My Love.
34. Last thing you brought : Chicken toast.
35. Last person you hugged : Nur Hasya Aqilah (My niece)

FAVOURITES :
36. Food : Spicy food.
37. Drinks : Milk Tea.
38. Clothing : Dresses & T-shirts.
39. Books : Not really into books.
40. Song : Any types of music.
41. Flower : Sunflower & Orchid.
42. Colours : Rainbows.
43. Movies : Horror.
44. Phrase : " Ape dah kau. Apa je. "
45. Subjects : Mathematics, Ebs.

In 2008 ,
[x] means yes .
46. [ ] Kissed in the snow
47. [ ] Celebrated Halloween
48. [x] Had your heart broken
49. [x] When over the minutes in cell phone
50. [ ] Someone questioned your sexual orientation
51. [x] Came out of the closet
52. [ ] Gotten pregnant
53. [ ] Had an abortion
54. [x] Done something you've regretted
55. [x] Broke a promise
56. [x] Hid a secret
57. [x] Pretended to be happy
58. [x] Met someone who changed your life
59. [x] Pretended to be sick
60. [x] Left the country
61. [ ] Tried something you normally wouldn't try and liked it
62. [x] Cried over silliest things
63. [ ] Run a mile
64. [ ] When to the beach with your best friend(s)
65. [x] Stay single the whole year

CURRENTLY:
66. Eating : No.
67. Drinking : Mineral water.
66. I'm about to : Offline msn & do my homework.
67. Listening to : Music.
68. Plans for tomorrow : Go to school early.
69. Waiting for : My birthday!

YOUR FUTURE
70. Want kids : Yes.
71. Want to get married : yes.
73. Careers in mind : Dancer/Dance instructor.

WHICH IS BETTER WITH BOY
74. Lips or eyes : Eyes. (attractions)
75. Shorter or Taller : Taller.
76. Romantic or Spontaneous : Romantic.
77. Nice stomach or Nice arms : No one is perfect.
78. Sensitive or Loud : Loud.
79. Hook-up or Relationship : Relationship.
80. Trouble maker or Hesitant : None.

HAVE YOU EVER ?
81. Lost glasses/contacts : No. (I only had broke them)
82. Ran away from home : No
83. Hold a gun/knife for self-defense : NO.
84. Killed somebody : No.
85. Broken someone's heart : Yes, definitely.
86. Been arrested : Yes. (When I was little.)
87. Cried when someone died : Yes.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN :
88. Yourself : Yes.
89. Miracles : 50%
90. Love at first sight : Yes!
91. Heaven : Yes!
92. Santa Claus : No.
93. Sex on the first date : No.
94. Kiss on the first date : NO.

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY :
95. Is there one person you want to be with right now? : Yes.
96. Are you seriously happy with where you are in life? : Not really because someone whom I really love leave me and gone to another world.
97. Do you believe in god? Yes.

1. Wad is your full name? : Julinda Bte Mohamed.
2. Currently staying in what school? : Jurongville Secondary.
3. What is your age? : Turn 15 on 09 october.
4. How many siblings do you have? : Including me, 4.
5. What is your currently mood? : Happy, excited, tired, paranoid.
6. Enjoy your june holidays? : Yes.
7. RP or ADSS? : -.-
8. Which season do you like the most? : Winter.
9. Where do you live at? : Jurong West.
10. North or East? : ?
11. Which channel do you like the most? Mtv, HBO, Suria.
12. What do you like to do when you are free? : Surf the net, dreaming, talking, smsing, dancing, eating.
13. Who is your crush? : Don't tell me that I have to revealed his name here? :S
14. Friendship or Love? Frienship.
15. Coffee or Tea? Coffee.
16. Favourite car brand? Mazda.
17. Who do you trust in your class? : Bestriends :)
18. What are the colours of the rainbow? Green, Yellow, Blue, Red, Purple, Pink, Orange. (Not in order.)
19. Like your parents? : I don't like but I love.
20. Have maid at home? : Yes.

Live with it!

2009-07-28T03:29:00.000-07:00

today is such a mundane day in school, to me. since mrs neo did not attend to school, dreamweaver students have to stay at class for two periods. and with that two periods, we use it to talk & also have fun in the class with the rest of our classmates. two periods is actually quite long & i could not take it any longer so i joined the rest. they played the guessing game. i know it's kinda lame but what to do, i've got nothing better to do so i joined in the fun. we even took pictures. i was shocked when i get to know that we took 41 over pictures. i know you can't believe it but what to do, you still have to believe it. so long as there's me & suhailah, pictures will never be less. it will be tons of it because we loves to take pictures until we're tired of smiling. heck care if we pecah thousands or what. its our face anyway, why bother? :)

after the two periods, the class re-united back and had english. we go through the papers & we have file-filling in class. since some of them did not bring the form that mr lim asked so lessons at the lab would resume tomorrow. i hope that almost 50% bring the forms tomorrow. i really had so much fun during english lessons. especially when the time where we fight over answers. serious, the bonding is there! i love today's english lessons but there's only one period of it. so yeah, i wished it could be extended to another one more hour.

maths was quite bored. we learn new chapter, graphs. i am really confused with what mr chia teach us just now. and yet, i didn't bother to ask him. but, i'm able to do the maths questions. weird ain't it? next was contact time & there's no grandfather story so we were dismissed 1 minute earlier. and i straight went to the office to take the forms that ibu sarah ask me to take and fill up the missing part.

right after school, we chill out at the void deck near the PD and move at about 2.30pm. i don't know why all of us don't have the mood to hang out today. its my first time having this feeling ay. anyway, i've just recover from sick yo! running nose is still there but now it's getting much better.

i did not know where i'm standing & i'm at now. i don't know what i'm going through next. i am really scared. scare with the challenges that god will give me next.

what a long post. it has been so long i last had a long long post like this.

:)

2009-07-27T07:19:00.000-07:00

I don't think i can be. Maybe yes, maybe no. I leave everything to you & let you decide. It's your life & your choice. I can't force you. Make sure that you'll never regret with your decision that you've made.

I am all alone. I don't know what i've been doing.

Maken over.

2009-07-26T07:15:00.000-07:00

Makin melampau nampak? Aku malas nak layan, tak kuasa ah. Kau nak cakap apa, cakap lah. Aku tak heran langsung. Ini diri aku & aku tak suka orang nak comment sini sana pasal aku. Kau kalau pikir bagus nah, kau tak akan datang sini buat kecoh. Okay? Aku harap kau pakai otak kau and pikir as much as you can. Ingat, tak ada orang yang perfect eh. This is so yesterday's game.

Only matured people would think this way. If you don't have the same thinking as I do, meaning, you're still kiddish.

-

2009-07-25T09:56:00.000-07:00

Many people have been asking me if I've moved on. Yes, I've moved on but I'm still stick with my choice. I am going to wait for him, as long as I could. It doesn't matter because in the end, I won't regret with my decision. I've finally understand what love is all about. It's amazing, ain't it? I can't keep myself quiet now. I have to be strong. I have to be firm. I cannot let others to step over my head. No, that will never be. If it were to happened, you'll get to see the worst of me. Okay whatever.

Eventhough I said saturday was the boring day ever, but actually I didn't meant it. I love saturday, only when it comes to night.

I'll never be.

2009-07-25T00:05:00.000-07:00

If only I had one wish.
I would wish for things that satisfy my needs.
Which is, you (:

For things like this, I'm willing to let it go.

2009-07-24T21:46:00.000-07:00

Irritating running nose & high fever. I've been sick for three days, not including today. I've not been concentrating enough in school and I think I've do my best for Maths test paper yesterday. So, let's hope for the best for the results yeah?

thanks for the unwanted comment.

2009-07-23T07:08:00.000-07:00

Thanks for the effort of thinking a way on how to spammed my tagboard. But i guess you're just wasting your time spamming me because i don't really care much. I think i know myself the best & i don't really talk about people. I have my own respect. And i don't think you know me, so don't judge me anyhow you like. Even if i'm big size, so what? I love the way i am. My family is the ONE who feeds me. Not you. Haiya, i don't want to waste my time to elaborate on this. So immature. Grow up please.

Sick, Shit.

2009-07-22T05:59:00.000-07:00

I thought that by the time I reached school, things would go easy for me but eventually, it does not. I feel like cutting off my nose. I get so irritated with it and I keep on asking for tissues. I've got no mood to study due to headace. It was F**king pain, I tell you. I feel like hitting my head to the wall. That would be so much better. But another problem is, my body is f**king weak too. Most of the time, I was lying at the table. I really can't take it. Thank god there's PE, I took the chance to play badminton and I feel so much better but the unlucky thing that happened to me is, I've got rashes all over my hands. Even my legs, but not the whole leg.

Art was next. I keep quiet & try to cool myself down. I can't even concentrate. Even if I'm not sick, I won't be concentrating. Tomorrow, there's 3 period of it. I don't know how on earth am I going to survive. I thought of not going to school tomorrow but again, my mum does not allow me to. I have to be strong and drag myself to school eventhough I'm late. Ah, I was late just now. I came to school at about 7.35am, as if I own that school. Luckily Mr Seah did not come but my name will send over to him. -.- Nevermind, second time only.

Since the Mee stall sells my favourite mee noodle which is Mee rebus, I had one and eat it. But I eat it slowly because I have headace and could not stand it any longer. I feel like dying. Really. It's killing me. But in the end, I'm able to finished it up because I'm so hungry. Tomorrow, I'll be fasting. Mum ask me to fast tomorrow, with my irritating flu & headace. Wah, I die uh. Somemore, I got sore throat. Nevemind, I'm strong.

So, we'll see how it goes tomorrow. I hope everything would be fine. I notice that I've been complaining since the starting of the post. Hahaha :) Complainer bitch number #1.

SICKSICK.

2009-07-21T05:24:00.000-07:00

I've got bad headace, running nose & my body is real weak. I'm sick & I don't feel like going to school tomorrow but I have to. Mum ask me to go because she's afraid that I might miss a lot of lessons. So, I can't beratkan badan & have to drag myself to school :( I feel like dying. I cannot take it. I want to cry :'( It's so painful.

What's happening to me?

2009-07-20T06:15:00.000-07:00

What can I do if there's nothing else meant to me?

It seems that everyone concerned about my life huh. They are worried with me. They are afraid that I might fall in love with the wrong person. Hmmm... So nice of you people. But, please, don't be too worry because I know what I'm doing. I know who I'm in love with. I know who I'm dealing with. I want to have my own way of dealing with problems. I want to feel how it feels to handle things on our own. I want to feel independent. Can I? I don't want to elaborate more because I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings :)

School has been great but frankly, Dreamweaver suck a lot today. I am lost, didn't know where I'm at. I just did what the teachers do. I did not give my full attention. And racial harmony day posters are done! Thanks eddy for the Idea, shidah for the drawings, me for adding some more ideas/drawing/colouring & azhar for colouring. It was fun working with you people. The bonding is almost there but not yet reached. But at least, better than nothing. Heh.

After school, met Crik & Hawa. I am feeling sick today. I had bad headace & I feel like dying. Now, luckily I did not have fever. If not, I have to drag myself to the polyclinic. I'm sorry okay. I've got nothing to update so I guess I should have plenty of rest later.

" The only way that you can make your dream to come true is, to wake up. "

(True enough!)

All i could do.

2009-07-18T05:04:00.000-07:00

I'll always smile to hide away my sadness.

All I could ever say now is, I can't be the girl of your dream and the girl that you want. I am me and the only thing that I want you to do is, to accept me for who I am.

Ugly or not.

2009-07-18T04:55:00.000-07:00

You may think that I'm happy but actually, I'm not.

I don't need a man to keep me survived. I don't need someone to tell me what I'm supposed to do. I've got brains to think but I am just too confused which one should I follow. Follow what your heart says (:

2009-07-17T20:26:00.000-07:00

I'm still stuck in the middle, didn't know which path should I go.

*sigh*

On long hiatus.

2009-07-16T02:00:00.000-07:00

Never in my whole life, I've ever faced this kind of situation.

I've got no good stories to update and I've got no mood to type about what's going on with my life now. Messed up. I don't know what I'm supposed to do next because, I can't even think properly. I'm not at ease.

I will be on Hiatus for time being. If I feel like updating my blog, I'll do a long one. Those who wants me to relink, I'll get it done by next week. Thanks.

Urghhhh.

2009-07-15T02:07:00.000-07:00

Everyone are putting their eyes on me. ~haha~

GIRL, I wanted to have some privacy conversation with someone whom I've never meet/talk with for so long and there's some bitch who interupt us and I feel kinda irritating with her presence. That was fine for me because I'm not the only one that HE can talk with, am I right? But tell me who is the hell is she to take his bag and put on her lap? Ew, it really disgust me and I almost wanted to shout and scold you but hell, I've got no rights. Urghhhhh.

Let me get myself clear, I don't like him but hey, who does not get mad right? Only fools won't. Even though we're not even items but we are friends. And for godness sake, you're like flirting with so many guys. Girl, please remember that you're someone's property & please stop flirting. Every guys likes you. Tell me what's your secret? What's the BIG DEAL about you huh? You're nothing. You're just a piece of shit. (I said this because I really really dislike her)

You better don't flirt with someone who I've put him at the top of my heart. If you try to, I'll definitely give one tight slap on your face. I'll do it. I meant what I say. I don't care who you are. I don't care if you want to drag this issue bigger because I believed, everyone would be on my side (with full confident eh!) But keep it cool linda, I know it won't happen. It's far too impossible. Right? Heh, okay dah finish.

I AM A HAPPY GIRL TODAY EVEN THOUGH I MISS SOMEONE BADLY. Put that aside because that someone is still alive. Not even dead :) But I hope, that someone won't go missing for so long. Hahahaha.

Wonderful moments.

2009-07-14T05:10:00.000-07:00

I've told you before that there's no any other that I'm in love with besides you.

Oral was fine, quite easy and manageable. But when the invigilators ask me some random questions that does not really related to the story, I was totally blank and did not know what to say. But I just shoot whatever answers that came out in my mind. After a few questions, I went off, took my phone and waited patiencely at the canteen. Farah bustard, paitao or whatever you named it. She said, she would wait for us at the canteen but she did not. Fug. She went home first. Maybe because her computer had already arrived and eager to use it, MAYBE :)

After gathered everyone, chill out at the nearest dome and reminiscence the past and we talk about our life and all. We did talk, gossip, laugh out loud. And we even had heart-to-heart talk. I've told shidah the truth and hope she did not get offended with whatever that I've said. Around 6, took 99 and home sweet home.

I wanted to tell you readers that my life is getting boring each day and from now onwards, DREAM if you're hoping for long post :(

I'm happy :)

What a day.

2009-07-13T09:12:00.000-07:00

All I ever wanted is you to feel what I felt all this while. I want you to be in my shoe and cry with me, enduring every shits with me, settling problems with me. But, I know its impossible eventhough you said, nothing is impossible. I've got no strength to make it possible because we're no one to each other.

The days.

2009-07-12T06:59:00.000-07:00

i've never felt this way before.

Performance at vivo city yesterday was awesome despite the hot weather. Many teachers came by to watch us, including the principles. Teachers like Mr tarmizi, Mdm Yani, Mdm Linda, Mr Chia, Mrs Yeo, Mr Shawal & Mr thomas. And also the Ncc, Npcc & St John cadets. We are informed that we're the last item of the event. So, we get to watched the whole thing and shout our lungs out on that day. It was fun, really really fun. Pictures are all in FacebookYouth GIG. I can't send via email because there's something wrong with my internet.

I think there's nothing much I should blog about :] Bye.

WEET WEET :)

2009-07-10T01:33:00.000-07:00

I've got no best words to describe my day but I guess, I really had fun smiling at almost every people around me. I think the best part was, youknowIknow. And though friday is the shortest day among the days in school, the first two period was quite long :( But anyway, I had fun reading blogs in the morning when teachers are teaching. I'm not rebellious but stubborn.

I really hope that no one would destroy my mood today :)

Seoul Garden.

2009-07-08T08:50:00.000-07:00

At seoul Garden.

I lied. I did say I wanted to finished up my homework prolly around two, right? But I did not do as I say. Sister asked me out with two of her friends to have dinner at Seoul Garden. Since she ask me out, so I just tag along. And that time, it was only one thirty. So, while waiting for 4 plus, I decided to catch a good sleep first because I am so sleepy at that moment. I went to sleep and my maid woke me up at 4. Then, I had some talks with my mum and play around with Aqilah.

Take a long bath and dress myself up and wait for my sister at the bus-stop. I reached before kak liza reached and we did talk alot about schools and stuff. My sister said 5pm at the bus-stop but in the end, she ditched us. She delayed into 5.15pm and we waited for her for 15 minutes? Ok, close one eye. We took taxi all the way to Causeway and the taxi driver drives the long way & it cost sister $17 plus for the fare. I went to the nearest MRT station to refund the green ticket and get my $1 back.

To cut it short, all of us met kak Yati outside Seoul Garden. We then went in and pay everything and find a spot to seat and attack the foods! I took a lot of meats. I don't feel like eating chicken but I did try the tom yam chicken and it was yummy! Eat and eat and eat, I finally stop eating and ice-creams next! From Yam to chocolate oreo to peppermint to strawberry. Hehehe. I don't put the nuts because I dislike having nuts on top of the ice-creams! It's so yuckish. I'd prefer chocolate fudge! Heaven~

I drag my sister to popular to get wrapping paper for Sri Ayu's birthday which falls tomorrow. I got the flower wrapper which cost me $1.20. Cheap right? Afterwhich, we headed off to the ground level and check out some bracelet or is it necklace at SK jewellery because sister is getting something for her Engineer or whoever he/she is. Slacked and went off at 9.30pm :) I finished my homeworks and now, I'm surfing the net.

My mum is starting to be more sporting now. She has never been this sporting before. I still could not believe that she's like this. Am I dreaming or something?

It has been so long i heard about you. It seems that you're running away from me but don't worry, i don't mind of losing you because even if i mind, you didn't appreciate me either. So, why should i cry so much for a guy like you? there are many guys out there.

new blogskins.

2009-07-07T19:00:00.000-07:00

I wish, I could tell you that you meant everything to me.

How's my new blogskins? It took me more than an hour to complete the whole thing.

I've got so many homeworks that needed to be done today. I'll do it after I finished blogging & surfing the net, prolly at two pm later. I've skipped my tuition for like a few weeks due to AYG and another one week break, my brains are not even working. I can't remember anything because I've had too much of enjoy. I did not even bother to open up the books. But as I said just now, I'd do it later on. I'm busy with my own " things ". Now, I'm active back at Facebook after a few weeks I've left it dead. I've already know how to use it & I think it was quite cool :) I love it.

Life has been great this days. I love my life now. I've got no problems with anyone and I feel like as if I've changed. The brand new me. I'm no longer slacking in class. No longer waking up late (I'm used to wake up late but because of AYG, I woke up as early as 6). No more thinking about unnecessary things. But now, whenever I look at my phone, I'll smile widely because there's a nice picture of us :) Awww, so sweet ^^ Hahaha.

On the 11th, we've got performance at Vivo city -.-

if you are hiding your imperfect thang that were given to you, i guess you're one of those people who doesn't appreciate what God has created for you. you don't have to hide it from me, i've already know for a long time... before i know you. you don't have to be ashamed with it. it's a normal thing. only immature people will laugh at it once they see it. right? be thankful okay?

Finally.

2009-07-07T17:12:00.000-07:00

My girls.

Idk whats his name :)

Aaron :)

AYG was extremely fun. I had fun doing the jobs that were assigned to me and I've learn a lot of new things. And now, I feel so weird because for the whole entire week in AYG, I've been dealing and meeting with foreigners and speaking their languages. Now, I'm back to school. I'm still not used with things around me.

I miss saying, good morning sir/mam.
I miss giving out the re-entry pass.
I miss tearing out the tickets.
I miss complaining to Aaron if I've got any problems with the customers.
I miss talking with Jason & Jeremy.
I miss going in and out just to look at everyone.
I miss talking in korean, chinese, indonesia & etc.
Simply, I miss everything.
can it be extended longer? But too bad, it has already ended :(

AYG.

2009-07-03T08:35:00.000-07:00

AYG last day will be on Monday :(

Can i have more? I want to be there forever.

I don't have the pictures on the laptop but i promised, i'll update soon.

A,n-cine.

WHAT? On hiatus.

2009-06-30T08:04:00.000-07:00

I don't think i'll update my blog often because i'm busy due to the AYG (Asian Youth Game). I'll be back home late in the evening and i need some good rest for the next day. Definitely, i'll miss school :( I can't wait for tomorrow!

eventhough i've know the truths, i was taught to be more patience to accept the facts. i am trying so hard to make myself feel better but unfortunately, nothing work on me. i feel sooooooo pathetic :(

at least he knows how to take care of my heart :] i'm proud of myself but never felt happy for him because still, he gets to see that G.

after this, i'm on hiatus.

2009-06-29T09:19:00.000-07:00

I've got nothing to blog about because basically, what the school did today is, temperature taking, H1N1 slideshows, Michael Jackson's death. I got my AYG t-shirt and what can i say is, it wasn't that nice as i thought it is. And the colour, ain't up to my satisfactions. I hate that kind of light blue because to ME, it look so ugly. But however, i still have to appreciate it and wear it though :]

I'll not be at school for at least three days or more due to this AYG thingy. I have to be at school by six thirty and back home at six pm. Tell me how tiring can i be? Its an one whole day event okay! :] I have to be strong. Tomorrow, lessons are to be conducted as normal and i'm not mentally prepared for study! I'm still in the holiday mood. I don't feel like i'm at school because it just feel the same. Can i go to AYG thing tomorrow? Hah, kanciong! Hehhhh, not kanciong lah, just can't wait for the day :]

Oh, i went to dance practice just now and there were no practice and i have fun looking at the others breaking. I look at them at one kind because they are all real goodddd! And today, its raining! Yaaaaaaay. And it's very cold. And i pity my hawa BJ because she wear shorts at the wrong timing. And she did not bring jacket along. Hehehe. I finally get to meet the juniors! I really miss them but the way we treat each other is not the same like before. Why eh? But still, they're funny + cute!

i wanted to look at you and even smiled at you. the matter is, i'm too ashamed to face you. you did not know what i felt all this while because, you are not in my shoe. i can't do anything. i'm useless now. i'll try my very best tomorrow or maybe whenever i feel like i want.

Sunday (:

2009-06-28T08:16:00.000-07:00

Despite the fact that i have to attend school for AYG thingy, i really enjoyed today because i get to meet my bestfriends and exchanged hugs! (From suhailah) Ain't NO lesbience ay. Today's AYG was a little bit boring because we had rehearsals and I, under ticketing have to seat with 3 other girls (Nurul,Aida&Juriah) for so long outside. I, could not stand the air-con that coming out from inside. I was freezing cold. And the food for lunch was awesome.

Reached school at about 12pm and headed off to home. Half-way, we went to pasar tengah to get ice-creams! I get myself Chocolate mint & it cost me $1.20 ? It has been ages since i last had that. Went to pasar malam nearby my house & saw a lot of Elmo things. I thought of getting myself one but its a waste of money. I got myself a phone casing & it cost 6bucks & its RED.

Stay over at my house for quite long and we played Uno. Together with my sister and i won 6 times and nurul won 1. Hehhhh. I know how to beat her already but still, don't know how to beat the others. (hehehehehe.) Then, we try new games like stress but Uno edittion. And we wanted to play Cheat/bluff but we only had two person so we'll know who's the cheater right? ;D

Another few more hours to school. I'm not ready yet. I've not signed my report book and so the travel form eventhough my classmates had remind me through msn. I'm sturborn, right? Hehhhh. I don't know how SHOULD i wake up early tomorrow? Just now, i woke up at 7 am cause the night before i slept at 3am. Geez. I think that's all for now & i miss so many people (:

I thought you're the one that i could trust but on the other hand, someone whom i detest a lot is the one who i supposed to trust. And he deserved it and not you.

Liars!

2009-06-26T10:09:00.000-07:00

I hate liars & i am a liar. (sounds so wrong)
I don't think i want to continue on living with a liar.
I'm scared if i might get cheated one day.
Liar will always a liar & a liar will always find a way to cover themselves up
once after someone who is not liar found out the truth.
Get what i mean? If you still don't understand, its okay.
Don't try so hard to understand what i've typed.
I wished you are dead now. I really ~~hate~~ dislike you.

I've got no time to entertain this.
All i could do for now is, to think about my future ahead.
No... My future plans that i've got in my mind.
I am an idiot.
I am stupid.
-.-

ewwwww.
i've never thought about it either. i do have the feelings that it would happened but never thought it could be as worst as this. i'm still strong to faced this. i have to. screw you, go and die. if you insist, go and get a better life!

Heartbeat.

2009-06-25T08:47:00.000-07:00

Things happened for a reason.

I might never know what are the reasons could be.

Even if you're not being honest to me, i don't really mind.

Because i'm used to it, really.

I've never had the intention to do what you've did.

Infact, i will treat you better than anyone else did.

And i don't know why, i'm this kind.

There must be something wrong with me.

You did not know what i've been up to.

What i've been thinking in my mind.

You don't know what i felt all this while.

And my feelings that i've yet to expressed.

Doesn't mean if someone looked really decent, they are innocent.

You might never know what they've been up to.

Don't ever believed in someone easily.

Or else, you'll regret after you've know the whole story.

It really makes the different in my life even if its a little.

Had fun.

2009-06-25T08:36:00.000-07:00

I really enjoyed myself in the library with my loved ones eventhough we only spend around 3-4 hours in the library. After that, we went to Science center to walked around & had ice-creams at Macdonalds. Then, we had a talk. So much topics to talk about and after that we headed to the busstop and waited for bus. First, wanted to take 335 but ended up 198. We had so much laughter when we are in the bus and i almost fell when the time i wanted to go down the stairs because i was laughing really hard and didn't notice the steps. After that, met ella for a while and home sweet home. Anyway, i'm sorry for leaving you guys at the side without even talking to you. My bad :(

I can't wait for tomorrow's practice. I am ready to sweat and my rashes! I have to bring those importants things & i must be more concentrate tomorrow. I hope nothing cock up and so for my rashes! Hopefully, it won't came out at the wrong timing. If possible, don't even made it came out. I'd suffer a lot later.

To be frank, i thought you were lying but i've learnt to think positive and i look at the brighter side without thinking the negatives thoughts that lingers on my mind.

update without thinking.

2009-06-24T19:54:00.000-07:00

Hello. I feel like updating but i've got no idea what to blog about. Geez. Oh, holidays like another 4 pathetic days for us to finish it up & enjoy to the fullest before we get stress later. I want to go to school but i'm not ready to wake up very early in the morning & ended up sleeping in the class. (no, i don't sleep during lessons) And i don't think i'll end up sleeping in the class because there's Suhailah beside me. Hoping that she'd entertain me whenever i feel like sleeping. -.- I slept at 3.30 am last night and woke up 9.45am and i'm still sleepy. I wanna get some good sleeps but i know i will end up wake up in the afternoon. I have to go to library later, to freshen up my brains.

You know, i feel like there's some fishy that would be happened to me later. Why? Grrr..I'm scared. Like seriously. I don't know why is the hell i'm feeling this way. I feel like i'm being trapped with someone. No, never again. If it happened, grrr...I won't believe humans being. Haha. After saying all this, i feel so stupid. Like an idiot. Or am i just one of them? NO.

when it comes to problems like this, to be frank, i'm not good at settling this on my own. i don't know how to calm someone down. even if i know, i don't think it will work on you. i'm sorry, i'm scared that my ways made you feel uncomfortable. that's what i think.

Holidays.

2009-06-23T09:22:00.001-07:00

Holidays is like another few days more before school re-open.Luckily there's no homework for me except for my tuition homework.I have to be prepare for school & i should focus more on my weak subjects.This time,i'm for real.I'm not anymore a yayapapaya type.Cause i've made the biggest mistakes in my life for not studying and try my best eventhough i've tried.I have to work even harder and prove to my mum this time that nothing is impossible.I am dissapointed with my results & it seems that its not my results.It was badly done.Gr,at times i agree with what my mum said,i'm such a playful girl which i've been denying that i'm not.I totally agree with what she had said.But even if she say that,she still loves me.She guide me from behind.I love my mum.

Why is there so many people wanted to extend their holidays?There's nothing you can do at home.I am restless when i'm at home.I feel like going out.I can't stay at home.If you extended the june holidays,the september holidays will be cut down.Er,that's what i heard.But luckily,school resumed on 29th june still. :)

I hope this 27th of june outing to sentosa is still on.I have no idea what to cook on that day itself.Should i cook fried rice or fried noodles?We'll decide later.Please,make yourself free on 27th june because i really want to hit the beach.It has been so long i went to beach.Feeling sun-tanned uh.But i don't think i'll get darker,yknow why?I cannot stay under a sun for so long because i'll end up having rashes all over my body.Gr,irritating! :D

I am concentrating watching,Terlanjur Cinta.Got to go,will update if i've got the time to update.Anyway,i am dissapointed with someone.Really dissapointed.I don't know what i should do now.

If things wanted to happened this way,then let it be,i'll go with the flow.Everything is in mess now.I hate to be in this situation and have to face the shits over and over again.I had enough.What will happened to be sooner or later,let it be.I'll endure with it :)

2009-06-22T08:54:00.000-07:00

Even if I'm no one to you and you feel that I'm nothing, please open your eyes big and see for yourself what I've been doing while you're away. I have been sacrificing my day, nights and everything. My mind had gone to no where and could not stop thinking about you. Thinking what you're doing now and how have you been doing? Yes, I think about you even I know you treated me like no one. I still care for you. I've never ask for more, you see. I think we are drifting apart, like seriously. I don't mind because I'm used to it. B are like that. Never to think about others. Selfish:( So heartbreaking! But always remember this dude, my feelings won't fade a single. (so emoticonal.)

Late update.

2009-06-22T08:41:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the late updates.

I wanted to update on what happened to me to the last few days but sadly, I could not remember anything at all. But so far, I enjoyed myself every seconds of it and nothing dissapoint me. Things are getting better day by day. I've got no problems with either my family or friends. I have been relaxing my mind & myself at home. I'm looking forward for school because I can meet my friends. But, I don't know why I feel this. I am not looking forward to look at someone's face, definitely. No, I don't hate but I dislike and I don't know why I dislike that someone. But still, *ehem*

I am tired and I really need some good sleep and rest :)

Troublemaker.

2009-06-19T09:32:00.000-07:00

I may not up to your standard but at least, I am being myself.

Don't judge me by my looks. Know me deep inside before you want to talk shit about me.

Basically, i've got so many things to blog about but i don't know how to start. I guess this week would be my very busy week because i've got so many things to do. I am so stress out and next week would be the last week of June holidays before school starts. And when school starts means, i have to wake up early and pay attention in class every now and then -.- Oh, i have not yet sign my report book and up till now, my mum have not yet see my report book. (i forget to give it to her. )

I had bought my stuff and i've ticked at LEAST two of my wishlist. Alhamdulillah. Next, i have to saved up money for my sister's birthday which falls on 7th of july. She didn't know that i'm getting her something just because i don't have money :( eh, this time round, i'm willing to save up just for you. You see, what a sweet sister you have :D And you still hoping that i would die one day :((((((((((((

You know about the DSLR thingy that my sister promised me? I just get to know that she is really serious about it. Urgh, i waste another chance because the other time, i reached home at about 11pm. Shit. I thought she was just playing around but she was for real! :((((((((( You see, so many shits happened to me right? I know. I am a sad girl.

I don't feel like updating anymore. Can i leave my blog dead? Then a few months later, you'll see it no longer valid. :)

Life has been like ass nowadays. I just don't seems to understand why.
I think its because the happiness that i've been like searching for.
I'm still in doubts.

why is it so hard?

2009-06-16T11:19:00.000-07:00

I don't seems to understand why I'm not happy when there's no you?
Life should move on and you people would have thought I'm not strong.
Yes, I'm not strong enough to accept the fact that you are not there for me anymore.
But that was fine because I take that easy because I know you're busy.

I might not be the one. Even if I try even harder, I still won't be the one.
Because you've never told me what type of girl you want in your life.
You should have proud because I am being myself instead of being the girl that you want.
Do you know that everywhere I go, I heard your names being called out but I'm wondering,
why I didn't see you when I turned around?
I know you have never expect this whenever you know the truth.
But this is life.

I bet you yourself could not hide your own feelings from someone.
And I could roughly guess that one day, you might tell that someone you love her.
But, I know it could not be me.
It must be some other lucky girls out there.
Yes, nothing is impossible.
But I might not know what you've been up to.

I love you & you love someone else.
It's wasting my time.
I don't expect more from you but please have some thoughts.
I have been thinking about what others might said.
But you, stopping me from thinking what people would say.
People's mouth will never closed.
Either they talk, bitch, gossip, critic.

I should say that Life is never easy for me now.
Without you, my life is completely different.
I'm not kidding, its true.
No one made me happy.
No one cheer me up.
No one made me laugh.
No one jokes around with me.
No one fight with me over a thing.
No one would talk with me about stupid things.
No one complains to me.

Please come back and filled up my empty spaces.
I miss you, seriously.

To be frank, my happiness are with you.
But to have hopes on someone who is not willing, there's no point.
I better do my own things and move ahead.

two things at a time.

2009-06-16T07:45:00.000-07:00

Basically, I am surfing the net & at the same time, I'm doing my homework that my tutor gave me. I am still stuck at a few questions and luckily there's this book for reference. I almost gave up but luckily, I did not. For the first time I didn't give up in Mathematics :)

I am watching Jihan but I did not really concentrate so much because I was so busy with chatting. Oh, before that was Anugerah. I really really proud that every single one of them did their very BEST and I love Sein Ahmad. He is way better than previous although he did not know how to dance. Besides him, everyone are good too but the comments are quite hurtful too. Not by the judge but the singaporeans who did not revealed their real names. Comment punya lah macam sial, korang gi uh try nyanyi, ade brani? Tkde kan? Diam sudah lah, just watch :)

Now, I feel so sleepy and I've got like another 045968594302 more questions to be completed. I've got no more energy. I feel like going to sleep NOW but that is so impossible. I must complete by tonight so that tomorrow, I'll have some good sleep before tuition starts :)

Anyway, you know the Nikon DSLR D5000? Yeah, the one that shows on the advertisement? My sister said, she'll get it for me if ONLY I got back from by 7.30pm! Wah, I have to consider about it first but before that, I must ensure with her whether she's kidding or she's serious. Haha. If she is serious, I am willing to do it :) Sanggup pe. Birthday I is like another 4 more months to go.

FRESH.

2009-06-15T09:57:00.000-07:00

I have just changed my blogskins & I'm loving it. Anyway, I have just deleted away my friendster and other website that I've signed up. So, don't bother to ask me about my friendster anymore.

I've got nothing to blog about, like seriously. Nothing in my head right now.

Uhhhhh, I went to dance practice just now and I love every single second of it. I really had fun but Crik have to leave early for work so left with the rest. And we went off around 7plus because I have to be home by 8pm. So, we walked from Taman Jurong all the way to Jurong. After that, I went to get myself cheese fries because I don't know why I feel like eating it padahal I'm craving for pizza :) My sister have yet to treat me pizza :(

What else?

School is like another 13 more days. I have not yet signed my report book and packed my books. Basically, I'm not mentally prepared for school. I'm not ready to wake up early. I'm not ready to seat & wait at the busstop for 5 or even more minutes for bus. I am not ready for school re-open morning messages. I'm not reader for naggings. I'm not ready to study. To be frank, I'm not ready to meet teachers & I'm not ready to open books and mug as hard as I can at school. Can someone extend the holidays much longer? Like, another 4 more weeks before school re-open? I don't feel like going to school uh.

Oh, I am so in love with Nike SB & Reebok Monopoly. I want to have it badly! :( I don't love my Nike Airmax anymore because it means nothing to me. Haha, bustard. Ya lah, when I'm out, so many matreps wore it. I don't like, macam irritating. But it's okay. They have their taste too pe.

I miss my handphone (stupid battery,bodoh gi rosak!), I miss my psp (nie lagi satu,rosak jugak), I miss my computer (could not connect to the internet,bodoh), I miss my friends (bila nk meet?), I miss everyone, I miss everything that I'm left with in the whole wide world.

Feeling -_-

I online but I chat with no one. I don't feel like chatting. Uhhh, soon, I'll NOT be using my msn anymore. I feel like the whole thing is getting boring. Next, blog. Can I like delete everything in cyber world? And you people contact me through mobile? Uhhhhh, I feel like deleting everything. Yes, everything. So...I'm left nothing.

I am not happy. I am not okay. I am just fine.
(omg,what's wrong with me cause I find myself so f**king weird lah!)

Oh, I forget to tell you that Friday, I'm out with my sister since she wants to go to Bugis to get herself things. Uhhhhh, I want her to pay for everything! GSS pe. Alah, if she loves me, she will willing to pay what. Hahaha! And then, she text me, feeling nk makan Breeks. Wah, I said, feeling nak makan pizza uh.

Wanna see me emoticonal? No.

I have been thinking about you seven night, seven days. I know you won't believed what I've just said because if I would let the whole world knows, they would prolly knows that I'm lying. I'm a BIG LIAR. No, I'm not. I'm honest, integrity but I do lie. But not everyday. Once a week uh :)

Eh, its like 1.20am in the morning. I better go sleep okay. Bye, goodnight.

big fat donut is waiting for me.

2009-06-14T11:08:00.000-07:00

I've got no interesting stories to shared. I am bored so I decided to blog.

I hope money will come down from the sky. If it really happens, drop me thousands or more because I really need that money to spend on my daily expenses. I don't want to work because I don't think working & study can balance. Somemore, I'm involved with activities outside. I don't have time for work and I'm not ready for work yet. I am wondering, why is it so hard for us to get money? You want it, you earn it. Grrr. Saving is fun but the things around me are tempting. And I can't avoid it. It's too tempting that I simply can't resist.

I'm stress.
Because I've been trying so hard to think what to blog about.

Ah, there's tuition tomorrow and after tuition, I had to rush for dance and after dance, I had to rush at home and sleep and get ready for the next day which is Tuesday. Shidah decided that we should meet up because it has been so long we didn't meet each other and the rest. And since Anisah & Aida need to get shirts for their camp purpose, so yeah. I can't wait for Tuesday. I am looking forward and hoping that nothing shits/fishy would happened aye. Peace.

I think that's all for today because seriously, aku dah tkleh pikir ape nk ckp lagi.

2009-06-13T08:57:00.000-07:00

Anyway, i'm happy to say that my friends are back from OBS camps. Only god knows how much i miss them. I get to meet some of them except for some of them who did not attend today's AYG training due to some reasons that they had. I can see that some of them are getting darker due to the hot wheather and i pity them so much. Some of them said the camp was fine, okayokay and bored. So, i assume that the camps was just fine. I listened to what they talk about camps and different stories were shared. And there's this violent incident happened which makes me feel...ewwww. Nevermind about it. Don't wish to elaborate it either. Anyway, i'm lucky that i didn't attend to this OBS thingy because if i were to be there, i don't know what would happened to me. I am problematic girl. I can't stand hot & cold wheather. I'm weird :[

Today's AYG training was okay. They just show us where we should assemble and what we should do. Different people were assigned different task but everyone are ushers (spelling?) I am under the ticketing and i doubt that it will be going to be so much fun because my bestfriends are together with me. People like Anisah, Farhana, Shidah, Aida and Juriah but unfortunately, Suhailah is not the same group as us. Pity you. But whatever still, we could meet each other. No one should feel leftout. If you feel like you are, just tell us okay dear. We'll do something about it. The actually day would be on July. So just now was just the rehearsal. How i wish i could take part in Bowling? Haiyah.

Training ends at 12 plus. I decided to went home first to get some rest before i went to meet my mummy & daddy. I've set the time, by 5pm i meet them but in the end, we changed the time again because Farhana had to go Jurong Point to get this cleaning face thingy for her mum. So, i accompanied her. Around 5plus, we met Crik at 475 and waited for Hawa. They talk about OBS things and stuff. And we went off to grabbed something to eat. Since 483 is occupied, we went to Crik's to play monopoly and we really had fun. I laughed my ass off. Seriously. I really had fun. I almost got myself bankrupt but luckily, i didn't. Just my luck :] Went home at 9plus and i am so tired. I don't know why is the hell i feel so tired. Had a long bath and now here i am, updating my blog.

Because i know, anything could happened. So, before i face the consequence, i better think of other solution to get rid of it. I wouldn't want to get hurt, ever again. Because, i've promised myself never to shed tears again. I'm tired.

I miss Fiza, Kiki, Wany & Bella :] and i have yet to meet Shidah because she didn't turned up to AYG training today.

Anyway, happy 15th belated birthday Siti Suhailah Bte Halil. (sorry, takde gambar.)Wish you all the best in life and in your future ahead. I'm happy to see you happy but whenever you're down, don't worry, i'll be there with you no matter how hard the situation i'm in. I love you & i know how hard life it is for you. We're in the same boat, girl. Anyway, hope you had fun yesterday and i'm really really sorry that i did not wished you directly on your birthday because i don't know which number you're using now. Girl, happy belated birthday. My girl has turned a year older and she's olddddddddddddddddddddd :]

Chance.

2009-06-11T08:26:00.000-07:00

I might not be the one but i won't be trying harder because even if i tried, i still won't be the one.

Let it be like how it is now.
I don't really bother much about it.
Neither do i care about it.
I am moving on, going on my own.
I don't care about all this shits.
And you.

Call me names or what, i don't really care.
But remember this.
I know myself the best.
Way better than you do.
Thanks for everything.
I appreciate it though.

I know i'm not up to your standard.
But never to expect HIGH on someone.
Cause if it come back to you, i don't think you can reached it.
No one would/will.
Cause there's this word.
no one is perfect.
I assume that you're leaving.
Even if you said, you don't.
Your behaviour shows.

If you're leaving, i'll be staying.
Cause if i were to leave too, i know we'll meet at one point, again.
If i stays, i will never get to meet you.
And i doubt, that is what you want from me right?
So, i'm granting your wishes.
And even if you're leaving me without goodbye.
I am still here whenever you need me.
and, i'm wishing you the best in life.

Don't worry, i'm sincere of letting you go.
What for to go after someone who is not willing.
I know i've got no high-self-esteem.
But this is me.
I am like this since i've fall for you.
No, maybe before i did.

Look.
I've always try my best to be myself.
But i just can't do it.
I am not myself whenever i'm somewhere near you.
If you really want to know....
Eversince you came into my life, i've turned a new leaf.
And i've learn new things in my life.
Patience.

One last word before i end this.
even if you're leaving me alone, i'm not going to give up and i'll still wait for even if it takes me 2049567584932 years.
you're the only one that can made me wait. you deserved it. i love you.

love,
linda.

2009-06-11T08:02:00.000-07:00

I am tired of trying because I don't see my effort is working. I've put in hopes in myself to be strong but in the end, things ain't going my way. I am not going to drag this thing much because I believed I can overcome all this shits. I am so dissapointed with you.

Let's talk about today. Today is thursday which means I will be staying at home all day long eventhough I had angklung today but I didn't turned up due to some reasons that I have. I sleep at 2am after hearing Misteri Jam 12 and I hear it alone because my mom had to work OT and I have no choice but to sleep alone. The next morning, I feel so tired and my eyes are so heavy for me to open it big. Aqilah is the one who woke me up by her kiss. Awww, so sweet. When I ask my mom what time is it, she said it's already 1pm so I thought there's no tuition. I continue sleeping. And I woke up again to double check. Luckily my handphone was just right beside me and I check, its only 9 plus. Mom cheat my feelings! Orang ade lar ingat tkde tuition. I was a bit pissed off but thank god, it's only 9. Tuition starts at 11. and I sleep, assuming that there's no tuition today :] Anyway, I can still sleep until my tutor came. I rush and had a quick bathe and start everything. The worst is, I forget to do yesterday's homework that were given. But on the other hand, I don't really understand the topic.

I watched DVD all by myself today. I'm proud that I almost finished the whole DVDs that I've borrowed from Anisah. Left a few more to go. At first I thought Apa Artinya Cinta was boring and I almost wanted to stop half-way. But then, I decided to continue watching. Hey, thank god I did not stop it because it was the best ever love story show that I've ever watched. You should watch it. I know cerite dah lame but best pe. Hahahah. I've yet to watch Rahsia Bintang and there's my husband thereeeeeeee. Dimas Seto :]

I miss Cinta Fitri. I miss Teuku Wisnu. I miss Shireen Sungkar. I miss Randy Pangalila. I miss Donita. I miss Adly fairuz. And I miss everyone that acts in Cinta Fitri. Be it the bad or the good one. I miss watching it because my friends are borrowing the CDs. I'm addicted to, Melati untuk Marvel & Terlanjur Cinta. And because of this two shows, I forget to watch Cinta Fitri at sensasi. But what the hell, I've got the CDs. Nothing to be worried of.

I miss Farhana. I miss Shidah. I miss Anisah. I miss Suhailah. I miss riFqee. I miss Hawa Bj. I miss Bella. I miss Wany. Frankly, I miss everyone that I know. Random aye. I don't know why. I don't feel me. It's like, its hard to see me staying at home for the whole day, you know. Its really hard.

I almost get to eat pizza just now but unfortunately, I didn't get to. I am still craving for it. Badly.

Should I go for Angklung tomorrow? But I've got something on. I think I shall end my post here :)

FRESH.

2009-06-09T08:23:00.000-07:00

I guess that the previous post was so tak perlu because i don't know why out of sudden, i am so drama-mama. So yeah, ignore the previous & act like as if i didn't post up anything okay? Heh. I am so tired today. I stay at home and i thought there's tuition today but unfortunately, my tutor could not make it so it will be conducted tomorrow at 11am. I don't think i can wake up that late because i still want to get plenty of rest. I am very tired. So, i think i should set my alarm clock at around 10am? Because i took nearly 1hr to get myself ready. Tomorrow, there's dance and i can't wait but fiza is not confirmed yet whether she's going or not. Sad or what? Anyway, farhana is at camp so she'll be back on Friday :]

Anugerah 2009 was fun! I like Ize Suliman & Nora cause i really thinks that they've got nice voice. I didn't vote for them cause it just wasting my bill. I might as well text someone rather than i vote right. berkire, i know. Sein Ahmad is back. I hope he could at least win this time. Ahhhh, i think he's getting much taller now. But still, the shortest. But short short, cute what! :] Hahaha. Okay whatever.

Eh, i wanna tell you that i just had nutella with bread and its heaven! Hahaha. I am craving for Vanilla Coke now :[

Answer me this.

2009-06-08T11:16:00.001-07:00

I'm not being proud or whatnot.

Who will care about you if it wasn't me?
Who will entertain you if it wasn't me?
Who will laugh at your jokes if it wasn't me?
Who will cheer you up if it wasn't me?

But, have i ever thought this?

Who will care about me if it wasn't you?
Who will entertain if it wasn't you?
Who will laugh together with me if it wasn't you?
Who will cheer me up if it wasn't you?
Who will made me smile if it wasn't you?

So that simply shows, life is hard without you, definitely.

cute cute...

2009-06-08T11:12:00.000-07:00

I think baby pooh, winnie the pooh, stitch, elmo, cookie monster, sylvester, bugs bunny, strawberry shortcakes is cute. But cookie monster & elmo is definitely super cute & adorable. But baby Rif, the one at the barney and friends is also not bad anyway (: Okay, i swear this is so random :]

I still thinks cookie monster is cuter than elmo eventhough he look a bit uglier than elmo. (random)

HEARTLESS.

2009-06-08T10:13:00.000-07:00

I am so happy, very very happy cause i am very happy. Why i'm happy cause i am happy? I can't explain why because i am too happy. OMG. It's okay. And by the way, i really had fun just now. Me, Hawa BJ & Fiza really laugh a lot and i really enjoyed myself. I love you both so much :] But too bad, i have to go back home early :( I miss my girls. Can i maintain this way?

Kak mel, i felt bad for you. I hope you cheer up okay? Don't worry. He'll be in singapore. Don't suffer yourself. I love you okay. I'll be there whenever you need me, Insya-allah :)

let me stay awake!

2009-06-06T08:51:00.000-07:00

I believe that everyone have a brain, so make sure you make full use of it. Why i'm saying this is because i am currently pissed off with my second brother and my mum. I know i shouldn't get pissed with them cause they are my family but i tell you what, they had offended me. Not once but twice or even more. I can't stand it. I'm not bringing down their names or makes all of you thinks negatively about them, No. I just want them to realised if i ever exist in their life. I know they don't feel that i'm exist. They don't even want to look at my face. So, i feel like i'm a stranger. I am part of family but now, i don't feel like i am. Frankly, i don't hate them. I just dislike them cause they treated me like as if i'm their dogs/dolls or whatever they thought i am.

I know i am the last to used the computer but that doesn't mean i'm the one who cause the computer to broke down. But then, the computer did not broke down right? Still can be switch on right? Thank god for that. And next, the internet cannot be used. And again, you blamed it on me. Is it fair? Oh, i'm the last to use the computer so i'm the one who caused it lar? Definitely, no. Fuck you for blaming for almost everything. I am useless, hopeless. I'm the one who does this and that and i'm the one who click on the virus. Everyone, blame it on me! Yes, me. What the fish, i'm soooo pissed off. You think i don't know how to use the computer? I can say that i'm way better in handling computer than you do. At least, i don't download such things at the computer except for songs. That's it. And, baikbaik computer aku suci, kau kasi kotor kan computer aku. paham2 lar eh. Sucker.

I know i've been coming back home recently but i tell you i have fun with my friends. I don't feel like my family appreciate me in their life. I don't feel they feel my presence except my sister. Eventhough she beats me up, scold me but there's a reason behind it. My mum called me when i'm at my uncle's house having a gathering and ask me why i'm not home yet? Hello, i'm at my own uncle's house for godness sake! And its near to our house.. Can't i at least got back home a little bit late? Somemore, i'm with my sister and brother and why you're so eager to ask me to go back home early when actually its only at 8. woa, dah pandai control nmpk? aku nie sape seh. aku tau ar aku ni out of control but nie family gathering seh, tkyah nk suroh balek cepat ar. aku tau bile and wat time nk alik tau. aku dah big enough to think seh. Have trust on me. You said i'm all grown up but still, you have not give me those trust yet. I am your daughter. I follow you everywhere you go. Wedding invitations, party and all. But yet, you still treat me like a stranger. Aku ni anjing. ikut mane2 dier gi. And at the same time, i feel like a tissue paper. Enough, enough. I need your trust and your support. You've not been giving me moral support for me to work even harder but infact, you've been saying hurtful words and harsh words on me which makes me not to study anymore. Haizzzzzz.

this is for someone. (hoping that he would read it although i know he didn't.)
maybe, you've already know the truth from someone but maybe you just don't feel like what i feel. but never to changed yourself and affect others badly. have some thoughts of other's feelings rather than to think of yourself. please, i'm begging you. be yourself whenever you're chatting, talking, see or whatever that connects to me. just because of this small issues, you've turned to someone whom i don't recorgnise at all. i am sad, so upsad to see the changes that you've made. but however, i am still going to move on. never to waste my time but i'm going to wait for you to changed. i am going to wait. it's okay if you've move on with the girl you love but i'll make sure your life won't be at ease. cheh, macam paham. frankly, i missed the old times we had.

maybe

2009-06-04T10:43:00.000-07:00

i am sorry, i thought i can show you some hints but unfortunately, i was not given a chances to. maybe, this would be my last say and i'm leaving. i've been enduring this kind of shits for quite some times and the same old shits that i've got in return. who am i to you? i'm nothing. yes, nothing but just a piece of shits/rubbish. if you feel like throwing me off from your life, fine, its okay with me. i'll bare with the pain but please, don't show me the, " nak taknak layan attitude " cause, i seriously hate to you like that. you know i miss you? you know it has been so long we didn't talk and catch up with each other? don't you ever know that my feelings towards you had already fade and now it lef t a dot? awww. *cry badly*

may or may not be updating, its all based on my mood. if my mood is not okay then i'll not be updating but if my mood is okay then i'll update something eventhough it's rubbish okay? i'm still upset now and i need someone to talk to. someone who is willing to listen every single one of my stories. but chapter one till now, idk what chapter. (crap!) fine, i have to admit this. i miss someone so badly and i wish he could be what i've thought of. i know he knows everything but what can i do? face the CONSEQUENCES then.

i have to be strong. i know i can do it.

tk kuasa.

2009-06-04T02:30:00.000-07:00

i can see the differences and the changes that you've made. it's a big change, you see. i look through the past and the current one, i'm totally upset. and i know you can made me happy but however, i'm still not smiling right now. i don't know why. but today, is my worst day ever cause i hate almost everyone in my life. i feel like people is ignoring me but somehow, i did ignore someone. er, if you don't get me is okay. still, i want to try to be strong and cheer myself up but i don't know how. someone suggested me something but it works, somehow :]

and to passerby, who's the hell are you? i don't even know you and you tagged me rubbish. haish, get a life lar. even if i know you, i'm sorry, i like someone else lar k :] happy ar okay. go some other people's blog and tagged like that ar but please, not mine ar k.

it still the same.

2009-06-03T08:11:00.000-07:00

I think I'm in love. In love with someone (duh). But what if the someone knows that I'm in love with him? Phew, gone case. But however, I try to keep this secret by myself. But wait, someone knows about it already :( You know who you are.

Tired~

2009-06-03T08:00:00.000-07:00

I am happy, extremely and so does the others. I had parents meeting and I went there with my sister. Yes, my sister since my mom could not make it and she went on the behalf of my mom. Mr L talk with my sister and I kept on laughing and when my turn to answer the question, I just nodded and stuff. After that, we walked around pasar malam and seriously, both of my legs are fucking tired for no apperant reasons! Weird aye. I was like, urhhh, I am so tired that I almost could not make it for meeting but it's meeting and its a must, so I have to be strong and just move on. Today's meeting was fine, everyone let it out everything :] My hawa bj is sick, fever. And before she got even worst, she still have the time to be hyper though it was not even an hour but still, she made an effort to make everyone smile. Right?

I'm away for two weeks due to some reasons. And if I'm done with my two weeks, I'll come and join back the crew. Definitely, I am going to miss all of you. This week would be my last week, dancing, for time being. Takde linda, mesti tak best. Hahahaha! kidding onlyyyy :D

Can you imagine I had burger ramly for late night dinner? Aw, it has been so long I last had it.

Missing.

2009-06-01T23:44:00.000-07:00

I am missing you. Where have you been? It has been so long I last "talk" to you. I guess you've been busy and I thinks that you really need time for you preparation. But I want you to know, I miss you, terribly.

I'm scared.

2009-06-01T09:47:00.000-07:00

I am scared, really scared that I don't even dare to speak a single word to you. I am scared to tell you the truth despite knowing that you won't take any actions once you knew it. But, I don't know why I feel so so scared that I'm not able to control my feelings. Frankly, you're the only one that I love and you're the only one that can only make my heart feel better eventhough you've made me cry, pissed off or happy. I love to see you smile and to see you pissed off. It really makes me feel so going towards you and ask what happened but unfortunately, I can't. I am no one to you. I am just a normal friend of yours that will accompany you whenever you feel BORED, true enough? Sometimes, I feel its so unfair if you were to be with her cause yeah, out of blues you're close with her that really made me shock. It really sucks to see both of you together,you know.

Life has to move on, ain't it? People has been saying, there's a lot of guys out there that you can find but what if I say he's the only one? I'm so into him, people. I don't know which part of him that makes me feel sooooo melting. I can be crazy if you people push me further to find other people to REPLACED him. I know he had move on but I don't, you see. I hope he read this and know what I feel deep inside my heart. I hope one day, he would know about it. Lastly, I don't want to CONFESS aye. So don't forced me too. Confess is a stupid thing that I've ever done before and it makes me feel like an idiot, seirously. Only my close friend knows how stupid I am before. *huge sigh* I don't know what should I do.

I am moving to the next step, but I have many, so which one should I follow? Making a decision ain't as easy as you thought it can be. please, make me stronger than this. I know I'm able to do it. Everyone believed in me that I can do it. Thanks people for being there for me whenever I'm down. I appreciate all of you :]

I've got no choice. Its either I let you know the truth or I don't and forget you. That's it. Since you're happy with the way you are now, I can't destroy every single happy moments that you had, isn't it? Everyone wants to be happy. I love to see you happy but never to be happy with someone whom I really despised. Thankyou, I hope I would get a better life some day. With you.

new :)

2009-06-01T09:26:00.000-07:00

How is it? My simple blogskins and my tak boleh angkat songs?
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Hehehe. I can't find any nice blogskins so I gave up and chose the simple one. I won't be blogging much this month cause I am going to be very busy with AYG, Dance, Tuition. Yes, I am packed with plans and stuff. I've got no time for computer and I personally thinks that its a good idea for me to stay away from internet. But I don't think I can. Believe me.
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Today, hang out with Crik, Hawa, Ahmad, Kak mel. I had fun with them, laughing here and there. Especially when I see Crik & Hawa joke around. Make me feel happier. I love to see people happy, seriously. I love to see people smiling. Cause it bring joy to my life. Wahhhhh, speaking of joy of life. My life is getting better and I am able to accept the fact and I believe I can success in life in my future ahead. Life ain't easy to handle, agree?
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I think I've got nothing to say, I shall end this post with a big wide smile. But there's another post coming up later on :)

2009-05-30T22:17:00.000-07:00

I don't have the mood to blog. I am a failure, yeah right. But however, I'm not giving up in trying. I have to move on and work even harder. Linda, look at the brighter side of life. Friends are there for me and so does my family. But I don't know how to set my own time. I am stupid when comes to time management. Serious. I tend to push aside those important things and do those unnecessary things. I think it's not even balance, you see. Instead of reading story book, can I read dictionary so that every single new big words that teacher speaks, I could understand it even better? Haha. No, I'm just kidding. Tell me who's on earth is going to read dictionary for goodness sake? Errr. Definitely, no to me eventhough it helps cause if I'm at the middle of the pages, I've already fall asleep.

But the main thing is, I want to buck up during this June holidays and do my best. I want to improve and get good grades that I'm supposed to get it. Earn it and you'll have it, rightttttt. Think positive, positive, positive, linda!

I am sorry.

2009-05-28T23:47:00.000-07:00

Hawa and Crik and TIC ;
I'm sorry that I can't attend to dance practice yesterday & today. I've got to go somewhere and I have to take care of my niece. Yes, its a last minute plan & I'm really sorry for not attending for two days straight. I don't lie, I swear its true. I miss you & I miss dancing. Will be coming soon (:

2009-05-28T23:32:00.000-07:00

People usually said, life is easy but it has never be for me. I failed four subjects in total and that's really bad. It's my first time to failed four subjects & I cried badly just now. Those are unexpected marks & I don't deserved to get those kinds of marks. I did work hard but it does not paid off. So what's the use of having tuition 2 times per week if I keep on failing? What's the use? I know I shouldn't give up but I've been trying so hard to made my family proud of me, but with those kinds of results, I'll only could give them GIVING me shits faces. Mum nagged at me just now after I got back from Shidah's house.

June holidays will be packed with plans. Dance, Angklung, Tuition. Yes, tuition. I'm having tuition for pathetic one and half hours when I should have enjoy my holidays! But its fine with me cause I'll learn new chapters and I will have more homeworks and will be busy. But never, to clashed with my dance. And, thank god, I don't have to attend any camps. Be it OBS or leadership or whatever camps that will have on June holidays. I'm freeeeeeeeee. So babies, let's hit the beach. I can't be staying at home for one month straight right. Like as if I don't have a life.

But, I've been grounded, almost, or did I? I don't know & I don't want to know. What I know is I must stay awake and never asleep. (should know what i mean.) I am watching Hantu Ambulance and its quite boring. Ada suzanna tapi tak seram buat aper seh.

Sadly, I have to attend to Parents meeting this 3 June. Pathetic -.-

;LASTDAY!

2009-05-28T02:12:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow is last day of school & you people should enjoy your holidays to the fullest. Goodbye, have a nice day.

Last final say.

2009-05-28T01:31:00.000-07:00

This feelings is killing me. Tell me what's wrong with me? I'm such an idiot. I've did something wrong (maybe) and in the end, I didn't even know what I've did wrong. I am no longer friendly and I don't smile at people like what I usually did. Yes, at first, I got so tempted but when its already infront/near me, the temptations seems to fade. Huh, I'm weird. Yes I am. I don't know what I really want in life cause things around me make things complicated and its hard for me to choose what I want to do. I'm tired in trying, I'm tired with failing. I want to try my best and success to get what I want. But believe in my words, it will never be. The moment I want to start trying, there must be something that hurt me and made weak that I give up in trying. Only my bestfriends knows. I am really really sad. Sometimes, I'm stress up due to thinking about how should I get closer to everyone around me and be friendly and be the old me and never made anyone to HATE me and never to made anyone critisized me and never to made anyone talk shits about me. How? Instead of giving me headace, might as well give me some motivation talks so that I can changed to the better right.

I don't have much things to say. This post is to express out my feelings. My blog my say. Words that can describe what I feel now is, I am very sad. I don't know what I should do now. I feel so useless. I have nothing in me. No one likes me. Even the one that I love. Am I right? I don't care so much about this. The matter is, I want everyone to love me FAIRLY. I don't want anyone to hold on ANY GRUDGES on me cause when it comes to conflicts, it'll be the hardest things on earth that I must solved. Eh, korang suka eh conflicts? korang suka ehk gaduh? dah tak ada keje kepe nak buat? aku dah diam, buat bodoh, kau pulak nak step besar dekat sane sini. ingat ehk, kau tak ada apa apa point yang boleh mati kan aku tau. cause aku ada banyak point boleh matikan kau. And, I'm not being one fanatic idiot girl over here. But I wanna to state clearly here. Cause berbual tak guna sebab ada orang back up. so tak best uh, orang lain tolong. boring kan. baik bace, terasa sendiri, marah sendiri. lepas tu kalau tak puas hati, main jeling-jeling. mak ai, budak kecik primary school punya game. tak main uh, boring je. jeling dapat apa, kasi muka buruk je. Hahahaha. Okay, I've talk alot so I shall end this post now. With a pathetic smile.

I don't seems to understand what I've been doing & I guess same as you. I am very confused with myself. I don't understand why people are expecting the best from me when they know I've got nothing. And just so you know, by seeing you, be it mad,sad,happy,dissapointed,or whatever feelings you have that made kinds of expressions, you still made me happy. But now, I'm jealous. So tell me, what you've did to me? Hahaha.

27th may.

2009-05-28T01:14:00.000-07:00

I am tired to try but not to give up.
Tired, lazy = give up.

Yesterday was Hawa BJ's birthday. At first, me & the juniors and nurul had some discussion on how to made a surprise birthday party for Hawa BJ. Since I could not produce any sound, I whisper. We plan and plan and plan and plan, the next day, the plan that we've planned didn't go out like what we've planned last night. Everything went haywire at the moment when we're finding cake. None of them caught our attention and some of them costs us nearly 20 bucks. Our budget are not there so we bought the cake at our average price and move on to my home cause I wanna get change and same goes as the juniors who were with me.

After that, I smsed Crik that we've already bought cake for Hawa BJ & he called me immidiately and tell us to meet at Dome Bulat. I told the juniors that we'll be going there and they get so excited. Once we wanted to get off from the bus, I saw ahmad. Since I've got no voice, he didn't hear me until I shout his name and he turn. We gathered for a moment & then we just remember that we didn't bring paper plates & tell me how are we going to eat without a paper plate? Me & nurul call up farrah & ask whether she have paper plates. But she gave us plastic plates.

Once we reached there, Hawa BJ was standing but she look at the other position. Thank god, we're safe. If she turns around, she would have already saw us. And Crik met us at the void deck and go to other places cause Hawa BJ went to shop with Warda (i think). So we have to wait for them to come back from shop. Once she reached, Crik light up the candles and we run over to the dome and hid ourself behind the walls. And then, we light up the candles again. Sadli told us to walk cause Crik was talking to Hawa BJ and we walk behind her back & Crik ask Hawa BJ to turn and there, HAPPY BIRTHDAY. Hahahahaha. (if you can't understand what i'm talking, don't read cause i suck at story telling.) Hawa BJ went speechless. Hahahahahah :) After that cut the cake & photo-taking. Will upload the pictures soon ^.^

Ah. Hawa BJ got pranked with our wrapping papers! Hahahahahahaha. I love you Hawa BJ.

Wait.

2009-05-25T07:25:00.000-07:00

Four more days to Hawa BJ's birthday & I'm really looking forward for the day! But sad thing, I can't even talk but I hope I'm able to get my original voice back on 27th may. So pray hard for me that I will get back the voice okay? I love you.

It sucks, somehow.

2009-05-25T07:00:00.000-07:00

He is Randy Pangalila. If you despised him, then don't look at him. He's the HOTest!

It has been so long I did a proper update. So I'm going to update everything that happened today. Though we didn't had any lessons going on for the whole day, I still think school sucks at big time. Before I elaborate what happened in school today, I would like to announce that I'm early for school today & I'm proud that this time round, I'm the one who waited for Nurull cause usually, she's the one who wait for me at the railing. *round of applause*

Swine flu is still here & we have to take temperature. I really hate to take temperature every morning cause you'll only get to sit down once teacher has recorded your temperature. Today, wasn't my luck at all cause I've been seating in the front cause I really hate to sit at the back cause I will sweat like no one's business. Mr L caught me and even ask me to go back to my place. Wah, shit ah. I went back & give him pathetic face. After that, he went out to take our CPA (Computer Application) exams paper. I took the advantage to sit at the front and said that I can't see from the back. Tricks are so common! :)

I passed my CPA! Yes. I've got 66/100. But the practical is sooooooo not me. I know I can do better than that what can I do? I suck at changing the formulaes and stuff. And I did anyhow cause I know I will fail the SPREADSHEET sections. I didn't study for CPA the night before. Hehehehe. So, I think I deserved it though. Went to Computer lab and unpluck everything and shift it over to Computer Lab one. If I'm not wrong, school is getting new computers for us student. Every four years, we'll replace new one. ^-^

Bob didn't attend to school & I was so lazy to unpluck all those wires, like seriously! I even ask for help. I am very lazy when comes to this. Worst, I slept for two hours last night okay. I've got no energy. Infact, I'm still in the sleepy mood. Hehehehe. And then, I act dumb lah as if I didn't pay attention but actually I did. Suhailah, from my place back to her place. Janji melayu saaaak. Lari dari tanggungjawab ehk?! You know what I did? And its clearly shown that I'm lazy. I went up to Juriah since she's one sit far from me how to unpluck and stuff. Padahal, malas punya pasal. I think she knows. Duh, Julinda is lazy. Yes, best word to describe me! :)

After that was Maths. Didn't had much time to check our papers but we did measure our waist for our upcoming Asia games or something and we, had difficulties to measure and we roughly guess for our sizes. I am fat but I am not ashamed of myself. Yes, high self esteeeem :) After that, there's this teacher took over us. And I can't recall what is her name. Didn't even want to know. After having some nice talk, we off to recess. Didn't get to eat Mee Betawi or even Macaroni. In the end, I ended up eating Nasi goreng with one round egg which taste good from an indian stall.

After recess, went back to class & did our own things. Mr Bohari took over our class & the class was so noisy that the teachers have to shout at us. Noisy but gooooooood :) No noise, no fun, right? Hehehehe. Talk2 & waited till clock strike 1.15 and we went offff. Meet Hawa & Crik at 483. They look so angry & I and Nurul was like so scared to even look at them. And I thought they're mad at me or something and I didn't even dare to talk or ask them things that I want to ask. Yes, they look so damn pissed off due to some reasons. The juniors could not attend to dance just now due to some problems that they must attend but Bird came to practice just now!

I had fun just now during practices. I saw pendekmamasita. She look so cute ahhh ^-^ Anyway, currently, we're brushing up on the song, the krumps song and I have yet to teach Nurul, The red pills cheoreograph. And I did managed to get all the steps righttttttt! Yessa! Since I had tuition, I had to leave there early. Around 6.45, I left and took 99 and saw my primary school mates. Hehehehehe. 4 more days to Hawa BJ's birthday!

Oh by the way, I had a bad sore throat that I can't even talk right now. I've got no strength to produce a single sound. Help me?! I didn't shout. Aghhhhhh, the ice creams are so tempted. The gas drinks, the sweet food and stuff. Aghhhhhhh, so after I recover and got my original voice back, I'll get all those that I've been craving.

I have a sore throat. A bad one indeed. Can I not go to school?

Should I or should I not?

2009-05-24T02:53:00.000-07:00

After all this shitszsxsz, I think I should find a way to be happy than I am right now.

I don't think you deserved all this. I don't think I should give faces to you cause I know you will never appreciate me. I know who you like but do you think I support you? No, I don't. Cause you are the one that I like and I have not yet tell you who I like cause if I describe, I will be describing your attitude. And you will roughly know who is he. Cause everyone knows its own attitude the BEST. Am I right? So, I think, it's not the right time I should tell you who I like. Maybe when the time you have changed into someone new (well, actually you are someone else) I am enduring every single hurtful moment that I've been holding on for quite some time. And yet, no one knows that I'm hurt inside cause I will never show. I won't involved people in my problem. I wouldn't want to trouble people.

Cause, its not them who got me into this. It's you. But whatever happened, I'm still gonna shine.

Sunday.

2009-05-24T02:41:00.000-07:00

I had fun playing Monopoly with Nurul, Hawa BJ & Crik on Saturday. Yesterday, I went to my cousin's house at Johore. Since it's his birthday and he make some makan makan, I had to go since my sister pester me to go badly. I did but I used up 45 minutes to find my bloddy hell passport. It went missing & I almost give up. And then, I continue searching & at last, I found it. I went to have a short bathe & wear whatever that have in my wardrobe. Meet my sister and off to Johore. Went back home at 1.19 am & I didn't realised it's already morning cause I thought its only 10 plus or something.

I had great time talking with my cousin, Fatin. Heh, we talk alot right babe? Hehehe. Anyway, today is sunday. So basically, we, family did not go anywhere. Brother thought of going Beach Road to eat but unfortunately, we have to wait after Magrib. After that he changed his mind. He'll go with my first brother & we'll eat at home together :) Woaaa, lagi shiok kan? Hehehe.

Monday, Dance practice :)

Look at me.

2009-05-21T19:27:00.000-07:00

I did badly for my Mathematics paper & as well for Art. I didn't know that with pathetic drawings that I've draw could actually scored quite high huh? But still, I failed. I have yet to get other subjects paper but hopefully, I did my best :] Though I didn't make my family proud of me but, I will never give up to try again. I know that one day, I can make them proud & never to let them think that I can't do it. :]

I am still dissapointed with someone. I think I have to move on & my decision is final.

You've changed.

2009-05-19T23:07:00.000-07:00

I am fucking dissapointed with you!

You're not the one that I know.
You're different now, totally.
You're not being yourself infront of me.
You're not the friendly guy that I know.
You're not the one that I thought you are.
You're not the old one but infact,
You've changed into a new someone.
And someone whom I don't wish to have in my life.
Somehow, I feel regretted that I like you.

Okay fine, since you're doing this to me.
I'm gonna changed myself to the WORST just for you.
I won't be the one that you know.
I will be different & definitely, it's not me.
I won't be friendly to you.
I will never be myself infront of you.
I won't be friendly to you.
I won't be the one that you've thought of.
I won't be the old one but I will made an effort to changed.
I will turned myself into a new one.
And someone that you don't wished to have in you life.
And you'll feel regret to have a friend like me.
But hey, don't worry.
I won't turned into a bitch, for sure.

I've faith in you. I've got confident in you.
And I believed that we can go far than this.
I always thought that you're the one that I dream of.
I believed that we can be more than a friend.
But to see you in this way, all my thoughts fade away.
I've got no more confident in you & that's it.
I'm going to find a way to forget you. -.-
so pray hard for me that I can forget you in a week time.
Eh, I'm doing this for real. I'm not jokking nor kidding.
I don't have the anymore to joke around.

I am so tired to tolerate this nonsense.
I am so lazy to know about you, anymore.
I've got no confident that you're sincere to be my friend.
But, I wanna thanked you thanks for being there to fill in my empty spaces.
And I wanna tell you that, you're the only one that can make me happy.
But for now, I don't think you are.
I am sorry.
I think I hate you now.
Go & find yourself a replacement of me cause,
I won't be there if you need entertainment.
I will never turn back myself & look at you.
Even if you ar 2034956780493-2 times better than now.

I am so dissapointed.
I feel like I wanted to cry.
But to think back again, I've cried a lot of times for you.
Who do you think you are? You're useless guy, you know?
Even my friend said so. But I believe in myself that you're not
and you'll never be.
cause I know you better than them.
But, I'm sorry, I have to move on.
I gave up.
Can I sleep & not wake up?
Or....
Can I skipped school for the rest of my life?
I can't handle this.
It's too hurtful.

Laugh at me as hard as you can.
You did not know me well.
If you think I'm the worst girl ever,
don't be too confident.
Cause you might be the worst ever someone.
Who talk bad things about people.
Whatever it is, don't think about yourself.
There are many people around you that you need to think OF.

you've changed & I'm totally dissapointed. I am so tired to tolerate this.
I don't want to talk about this anymore. Let's skip this part.
Note this : I am not going to turn back & look at you. I am moving on.

2009-05-19T22:57:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, me & nurull is so random to open up our Youth Day Performance songs. We had a hard time thinking back our steps but in the end, we managed to get it and dance happily. I miss Youth Day but I wouldn't want to dance in school ever again cause due to some reason which you people should know. -.-

I skipped school today cause I am very tired. I missed the workshop today & I heard from Farhana that the ending part was so saddening that made them cry. Haiyaaaaaaaa! Even if I were there, I can't cry cause I cannot come out any tears anymore. Heh. For now, I'm fed up + happy + sad + dissapointed = I don't know what kind of feelings is this. Hey, you know I dream that I got my Denim Jacket yesterday. Frankly, I don't think it was me in my dream cause I look so different. Hah, so, what does the dreams trying to tell me? Someone got the Denim Jacket that I want? Heh. :S

I don't know what is going yesterday cause I can't recall everything.

190th post.

2009-05-18T07:47:00.000-07:00

So basically, the previous post is what I did in school for today. Now, the second post would be what I've did just now when I'm out with my mom, my sister, my maid & my two cute niece. Yeah, from school, I had to rushed off to home cause I'll be going over to my cousin's house to give back her dulang or whatever you call it. I had a short bath & I didn't dressed up nicely cause mom said after we went to our cousin's house, we'll be going home straight after that. So, I wear casual. (Long sleeves, jeans & my nike slipper)

Not to waste time, we cabbed to my cousin's house. When we were on the way there, I feel a bit drowsy and feel like vomitting inside the cab but I just hold on it & try to catch some sleep while listening to my handphone's song. But I can't get to sleep cause I was thinking about something. Yes, something is bothering me, badly. So, I listened to my handphone's song and keep on repeating those jiwangs songs all over again. Roughly around 20 minutes, we reached my aunty's house. We talk, drink, eat, laugh, everything and went off at 5 plus. We were so fikle minded and thinking where should we go at this point of time. Since my sister is craving for Murtabak badly, we headed to Arab streets and had dinner over there. Before that, we made a few rounds and look for some materials for this upcoming Hari Raya.

Nothing caught our eyes so we made our way to Zam Zam restaurant and went up to find a place to seat. We ordered and we eat happily. Well, with Aqilah so the place would be so kecoh with her shouting and stuff. But when this chinese girl came & seat, Aqilah was shouting loudly cause I keep disturbing her. You should know kids right? Yeah, she should be understanding cause Aqilah is just 2 years old and tell me how should we tell Aqilah to lower down her voice? If you can, give me suggestion how? Ah, I really hate this part cause she was giving us one kind of look. And I look at her back. Suddenly, my sister said this.

Sis : Aqilah, don't shout. People don't like.
Me : People don't like but Aqilah like, Right? If they don't like noisy places, go library ah.
Both of us : Giggle...

Serious. She's getting on our nerves by giving us that kind of face. I'm not being racist but, who wouldn't get pissed off? Even if you were in place, you'll get pissed off right? After our dinner, we headed to Bugis Junctions cause I wanna have some rounds before we went home. We did walk around & look at things but when we were on the way home, there's this DENIM jacket really caught my eyes! I begged sister to get me but she ignored me. I was so dissapointed but understand understood. I love to ask my sister unnecessary things. Haiya, should get it next time. Should save up money! So I can buy things using my own money (: Oh, the whole day, I am being so crazy & I made my mom & my sister laugh. And I'm happy. I love today eventhough it sucks cause I didn't get that DENIM jacket.

In the cab, I didn't talk to sister and give her pathetic faces. At home, I didn't talk to her that much which usually I talk to her a lot when we're in the room. Until now, I didn't talk much with her. I know, childish. But too dissapointing ah. But even worst is my brother! He said, I wanted to buy that DENIM jacket is because I wanted to follow *someone's* style right. But no, I just want to try out something different. It's hurt right when your own brother say such things to you. I am dissapointed, really. Haisssssssss :'(

Right now, I've yet to get my exam papers back! Tomorrow, will be meeting the rest & I'm sure I'll be so happy tomorrow, extremely happy! Good! So that I won't think about that DENIM jacket anymore. Sister, hopefully you'll get me one some day. Hehh. I love that jacket so much :[

Workshop.

2009-05-18T07:15:00.000-07:00

I really had fun today. Most of the time I did during the workshop is, laugh my ass off. I think the workshop really helps me alot in a way of not to think negative about ourself & accept for who we are. I am really contented enough with what I have with me, now. Most importantly, thank god, I'm still alive & able to see. (feeling eh.)

Three things that I wanted to improve on myself.
- To think Positive.
- To accept what I am.
- Never to think about myself only.

I still got friends around me that I need to think of. Sometimes, I feel that I'm not an understanding friends. I do things on my own without thinking about my friend's opinion whether they like it or not. So, I wouldn't want to keep this habit going. It sucks. I want the old me back cus I really missed the way I am before. The way I speak, the way I do things & all. But unfortunately, I can't cus I can't even turn back the time. (:

I don't know why I feel so lonely without you. (DRAMA!)

Got them.

2009-05-17T05:24:00.000-07:00

Kitkat chocolate just made me smile :] Anyway, I don't know why my handphone is so silent cus usually, at this point of time, it will not stop ringing. Like seriously. I am bored, can someone text me or something that get me to hold & play my fingers around on the keypad. *SIGH*

I think I've got no life asking/begging people to text me. But I did promised to call up some people on my list but I did not do it cus one of my friend promised me she will call me after Magrib but she didn't up till now. Look at the time, *look at the clock* it's 8.30pm and still, there's no one called me. Bustard sak tipu kawan. Heheh, janji melayu! I wanted to call shidah but how stupid I am cus I did not know what's her house number? Serious, I'm very stupid. Very.

I have to update myself on new musics. I've been so outdated with new songs. Cus when people ask, have you heard this song? And I'll reply no, padahal its the newest album. Ah, no MTV so how? Have to wait till its activated. ~By the way, MTV is quite boring sometimes~ Tomorrow, school! Yes. But I have to wake up early again! No more sleep up till 8,9 or even 10. Haissssss.

I think I shall end my post now. (I blog cus I look at people's blog & compared to mine. Mine is pathetic so I think I should do something about it and here I am, adding some stories.)

P.S ; The picture on the left was taken just now when I was so fucking-bored-nak-mampus.

Right here with me.

2009-05-16T23:35:00.000-07:00

Afeefaa, remember this hot&cute guy?

People, he's cute&hot kan?

What is my feelings now? I don't feel like blogging. I feel like deleting this blog but this blog contains 187 post including this post. And there's a lot of memories that were left behind in this blog. Should I or should I not? Friendster is getting boring & I'm not active in Facebook too. And there I thought of creating myself a tagged account. I'm still considering cus I'm not active at Friendster and Facebook so higher chance, I will not active in tagged too. Even onsugar, I left it dead just like that. What's wrong with me? I've got so much time so surf the net but I don't have time to activate my account. Teruk-teruk. Thought of playing games but I know it's gonna be very boring. Youtube is bored too cus when I'm at Youtube, I don't know what video I wanna watched.

I'm going to create myself a Tagged Account soon but I have to delete my Friendster & Facebook. 27th may is coming, people! Who's birthday? BJ. I'm bored, so bored. But after looking at that guy above, dah tk bored lagi. Dah best~ Haha, okay crap. Wanna surf the net.

186th post.

2009-05-16T01:12:00.000-07:00

On the left is I don't know when future-boyfriend, Randy Pangalila.

I want Bubble Tea, I want to get out from home, I want Burger King, I want Long john silver, I want Ice-cream, I want chocolates, I want sweets, I want jelly, I want cakes, I want strawberry, I want vanilla waffer, I want swiss roll, I want cookies, I want new handphone, I want Laptop, I want camera, I want new nike shoes, I want ripcurl dress, I want nike sling bag, I want ripcurl sling bag, I want everything & not forgetting, I want you. Heh. I'm not going out today cause me & my whole family is so malas gila nak mampus to go out since we're so tireddddd. Maybe tomorrow, will be going out with my first brother cause tomorrow is my future sister-in-law's birthday. Should I go or not? But I am invited.

stress.

2009-05-15T00:16:00.000-07:00

I am so sorry but I can't make it today due to some problems that I had. I promised, I will make myself free once everything had settled. :'(

Don't control me.

2009-05-13T07:56:00.000-07:00

I'm dissapointed with you. Tell me why I can't have fun outside with my friends? I'm so so sad. I can't even concentrate on some things that I need to concentrate on. I can't move on with you stopping me with things that I want to do it. I'm not going to stepped down from the Crew. I'm not okay. You told me to take care of myself when I'm out there and yes, I did. But, now it isn't you who talks to me asking me to stop dancing. No, I will never. I did cry infront of you, begging you not to stopped me from what I've been doing but yet you chose to ignored me. I love you and I don't want to dissapoint you. I am going to think over about this & I'm not going to stepped down. I'm sorry, don't make me feel so guilty. I love my crew & I love you at the same time. But you have to support me cus it's my passion okay.

I love you & I need you to understand what's going on. So, all of you should know why I gave stupid faces & I'm not dancing with confident just now. This is what happened people. I'm sad. I don't know what I should do :'(

13th.

2009-05-12T22:59:00.000-07:00

Today, I had Art exams. I think I've did my best but I don't know if the teacher thinks I am but I know, I've give my best for those drawings. But, at the middle of the part, I changed the basket colour into light brown cus the sharpener is with Farrah. How come its with Farrah? Ms A bring it over to her place without even thinking if I need to use it. So due to that, I didn't get to colour my basket nicely cus I have to change the colour which look like shit. Nevermind, it's okay. Sacrifice for a friend.

Afterwhich, had prawn noodles at the canteen. Chit chat & look around & smile here and there. I'm always like that. I love to smile at everyone even someone who I did not know. Really, but sometimes ah. If I'm not in a good mood, I won't be doing it. I will keep the smile to myself & ignore everyone. Pretend that everyone does not exist in my life. perangai, teruk sak! Hehehe. But I did not managed to smile at all person cus lame-lame senyum terus malu2 ah. Funny right. Hey, I'm weird. You know? Eh, today I didn't saw that girl & I'm so happy but upon hearing some stories, happy terus dah tkde, sikit jer. Relex.. Sometimes, people who is shy to smile look cute too :)

Tomorrow will be the last paper for midyear exams. *hoorayyyy hoorayyy* gerek or what?! Tomorrow will be CPA theory. But I don't know based on what chapters. Should be one - three ah. Yeah, after that can happy happy. Can go out & have fun. Can dance here and there. Can smile here and there. Hehhhhhhhh, yeayyyy. Oh yes, I've yet to study CPA. My book is at my room & I'm lazy to bring it over to my living room. Malas gile ah. Can I study at night? :) Otak kau, malam aper seh masuk otak?? Can lah. Eh, should I study my sec two CPA? Yes or no ah. I don't know ah.

I just notice that whenever I blog-hopped to people's blog, nowadays people are so emoticonal (including me). Why ah? I don't know why. I'm emoticonal cus there are too many hurtful things happened to me. That's why I can't take it & I cry. But sometimes, I wonder, why am I not strong enough to overcome with all this. I'm so weak. I cry on small things but yet, it still hurtful. :'( It happened to me a lot of times but I just endure & pretend like there's nothing happened. Whatever that I've see with my own EYES, I won't look back and walk forward. Sometimes, people like to make me jealous. Serious ah. Habit already, what to do? Favourite per dier kasi org jealous. Hahaha.

What you did to her & she did to you & both of you do together really hurts me. It affects me badly. I can't move on, seriously. MFBT or what?

I can't take it.

2009-05-12T06:50:00.000-07:00

I AM SORRY BUT I THINK I JUST CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE CAUSE YOU'RE CHANGING TO THE WORST. I DON'T EXPECT THIS TO HAPPEN. I CAN'T HELP BUT TO CRY TO SEE THE CHANGES THAT YOU'VE MADE. AND WORST, I DID NOT KNOW ABOUT THIS CHANGES WITH WHAT PEOPLE PASS ON THE MESSAGE BUT I DID SEE IT WITH MY OWN EYES. I'M SORRY BUT IT TAKES TIME FOR ME TO BE OKAY.

Don't worry, this is about my family. So, don't worry people.

FUCK, don't ask me why.

2009-05-11T20:47:00.000-07:00

I'm fed up & I'm pissed off,don't ever ask me why. I will NEVER answer to your questions. I'm such a stupid girl. I'm emoticonal & why is that so? Hais. Life is unfair,seriously. I have to keep this feelings for so long & have been finding time to let it out. But when will it be? Please,let me be strong/brave for once. I would want to try to speak up. Can?

Maybe, I'm not ready to face the next challenges. I have to face the shame cus I've made a fool of myself to someone who I really love. Whatever. I've think twice & I think,I shouldn't give it a try. I'm scared :'(

Anyway, Happy 15th Birthday Wany! May all your wishes & dreams come true! See you soon wany! Love you,babe.

P.S ; I love hawa BJ&Crik cus they really make my day! ;D

I know I'm not the one that you've been searching for but if only you know, you're the only one that I really want.

Ice cream.

2009-05-10T00:14:00.000-07:00

Sister, swensen ice cream or whattttttttt? Did I just heard ice creams? Urgh, if you're going there, please buy me some ice-creams from nearby shops or what. If possible, one tub of peppermint chocolate chip. Thankyou, I love you if you buy me one. *dream on*

Flashback the past.

2009-05-09T07:08:00.000-07:00

Tell me how should I be strong if I've been pushed to the worst situation..

Right now, I am watching I'm not single. And guess what? Out of sudden, I flashback the past. I don't know why but it just pop out my mind. I miss him, badly. And I keep on saying out the word, sweet all the time. I am jealous. I want my life exactly like how it is in I'm not single. Can I? Haissss. At this period of time, I am being emoticonal. You should watch it, it is soooo sweet!

I am so tired right now & I'll do a proper update prolly on Monday. I can't be using my sister's laptop all the time right? As if she don't need the laptop for her own use. I'm doing my art tomorrow or monday. The matter is, I am just so lazy to draw & nothing is on my mind now. All went completely blank. Can anyone give me idea? There's two topic & I need to choose one. So, instead of the fabric, I chose the Healthy Food. So, it's got to do with fruits & vegetables. -____-

I met Hawabj & Crik yesterday to pass Cinta Fitri box 4-6. I miss Hawabj, badly.. I miss her laugh, her jokes & her " hawa bj \m^ " Hehhhhh, I love you babe. Not forgetting, Crik.

My uncle is kind!

2009-05-08T00:55:00.000-07:00

I don't know what's wrong with my uncle today. He bought for me Chicken Cutlet with rice out of sudden. I didn't ask for it. I was busy having fun surfing the net and he came up to me and gave me a plastic of rice. Omg, he is sooo sweet ;)

I can deny but I love Aqilah so muchhhhhhhhh.

Lovely.

2009-05-07T23:06:00.000-07:00

On the left, I'm with Aqilah, my niece.

Today is Friday which means there is no school due to marking day, I think. I woke up late today, I can re-call what time. And I had my breakfast & I immidiately switch on the laptop & get the Internet connection. I had fun today at home, webcamming with my niece. And suddenly, I feel very lazy to get out of the house. I'm craving for Ice-Cream. Peppermint Chocolate chip. Wow..

I don't like it.

2009-05-07T02:42:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the late update,Internet sort like asshole. I won't be updating so often until Internet are back to normal. Hehhhhhh,I have to use other people Internet and good thing its free. My neighbour had just locked his Internet wireless. Awww,so sad,ain't it? But,will try my best to update okay. Love you.

Sometimes,I wonder why do good things end so fast. I don't expect this good things that I had went off just like that. I'm sad yet dissapointed. I don't want goodbye. I wouldn't want to lose a good friend like you. Infact,a good friend like you should exist in my life. Cus,for all the days that we know each other,I've changed into a better someone but I've become weaker the moment I saw you & your new companion. It hurts to see your friend leaves you for another friend. Heck care. Im'ma tissue paper,right? I'm used to it. So,don't care too much about it.

I never wish to be in this kind of situation. BUT,I was pushed in.

Seventeen.

2009-05-04T20:33:00.000-07:00

Today,I had my Maths paper one. It was hard but I've already tried my best. I hope tomorrow Maths paper two would be easy for me. You know just now,I'm struggling at most of the Maths questions? What I learnt last night did not really came out in Maths paper one so hopefully, it came out in the paper two.

Urgh,I went to doctor yesterday to check out the red dots that are all over my hands & legs. I thought it was chicken pox & my family scared the shit out of me. I don't want to get chicken pox during exams. Let it be after exams,that would be better. 2 weeks of MC and resting at home while others are at school study their ass off. Heh. But if I missed school,I will missed looking at someone. It's a must okay! -.-

I get bored with,Http://livinginthehurtfultruths.blogspot.com. Can I changed my url? *think think think*

I'm sick with my blogspot. I wanted to use another website of blogging. Any recommendation? :)

Yknow why? find out ureself.

2009-05-02T10:16:00.000-07:00

I don't hate life but I hate her existance in my life.

I don't know why I hate her so much. I think the word above is the best to describe what I wanted to say it out all this while. But, I don't have the strength. I don't hate that someone without a valid/logic reason. I'm not that type. Don't ask me why, you should ask the one that I hate, why people are hating that someone. There must be a reason behind it. After this, I'm not going to smile like how I used to be.

If you think hating you make you famous and you love it, I shall do it oftenly.

Happiness.

2009-05-02T08:19:00.000-07:00

I am still sick & today, I had major headaces until I really could not take it. I took 2 panadols & went to sleep. I'm sorry if I've made so much trouble on saturday. I am really sorry, didn't know that it could be that teruk. I'm so so sorry. I feel so guilty cus I've made all of you worried.

Don't talk about me, talk about you. I do my work but you don't. You were just slacking around like as if everyone/guest had gone back home. I feel so pathetic over there. Moreover, I'm sick. You girls don't know cus I don't want to show it. My mother, my sister know that I'm sick. And I cannot take it but I forced myself to pretend that I'm okay cus I don't want my cousins, aunties, grandma to worry about me. You may think that I'm fine, okay, energy, hyper but actually, I'm not. I'm sick. That was why whenever when I take my food, I can't finished it up. I only finished half of it. Right? :( takmu pikir orang hyper makne tak sakit.

I met someone whom I've never met for almost one year. I think he had made so much changes and I think he's way better now. And, he had found his happiness.

Exams is another 2 more days to go. I have yet to revised my english cus I'll be having my english paper two this monday. Monday! Monday! Monday! Hopefully, I'm not sick so that I can have my tuition early, ends early and sleep and go to dance if there is. I need to exercise cus recently, I've been eating a lot. Before I got sick. So right now, I'm trying to lose weight by sweating. Heh.

I want that sizzling hot red Nokia phone or maybe that funky cool 5800 Nokia phone. If you get me those, I promised, I will love you foreverrrrrrrrrr. tak bedek, betul. If I passed my exams, I would get that phone. [ pray hard for me. ] heh.

Goodbye readers, will update some other time.
I want to sleep cus I need some rest. I love you.

Ergh.

2009-04-29T18:51:00.000-07:00

I'm at the computer lab now & I'm having my CPA lesson. Today's lessons is such a bored. I am hungry & I want to eat. Time clock shows : 9.54am which simply means another 45 more minutes to go for recess. And I hate my chair cus it's senget. I can't even bring it up cus it will goes down back. Haiya, so troublesome. I have to endure with it & I had difficulties in typing cus my chair is so low. I can't even reach the keyboard. I'm so dramatic. *muka mintak sympathy*.

Happy.

2009-04-28T22:08:00.000-07:00

I just do something that I wanted to do since last week & finally, I got to do it with sincere.

Can I not talk about school? School is getting boring nowadays except for those people who always make me smile whenever I see them. But yesterday, no one does except for this particular someone and I was mad girl the moment I stepped in the school. (only anisah & shidah know. )But it's just temporary. It won't happened every single day. I believed it will NEVER happen. If it happens everyday, I'll be the luckiest/happiest ever girl on earth. selalu cakap gini nanti betul betul jadi, tak happy sangat sebab ada aje batu penghalang.

I don't mind if she wants to spoilt my happiness. I've got so many friends around me who were there for me & understand me. I've always wanted to confront with her & talk things out but unfortunately, I can't find the right time yet. I'm still finding the right time and at the same time, I'm finding fault with her. Haha. I'm bad, yes I am. But please, I'm not this bad if that someone did not make me pissed off. And I've always been telling myself that, I won't tolerate/entertain/friendly/forgive that someone. Even if she seek and begged me, I still not going to forgive her. N E V E R.

I'm too emoticonal. Am I? So many people has been saying that I'm too emoticonal this days. Blame to that particular someone who made me like this lah.

Lastly,
I miss someone.
[ clue? my private blog ade! ]

I had enough of this shits.

2009-04-27T06:25:00.000-07:00

I am definitely not okay.

Believe it or not, I've cried for the fifth time. This time round, I am hurt badly based on what I've saw. I've been so emoticonal this days, I don't know why. I just can't controlled my feelings and besides that, I can stop thinking negatively about you. However, all the negatives thoughts that lingers on my mind are true. Even if I've tried, I failed to do so. Cus, I'm no longer the old me. And I think that I'm following someone's atittude. I realised that. Whenever I tried to smile at you, I failed. Instead, I rolled my eyes at you. I'm so sorry but due to my anger, what's on my mind now is to follow what my heart says. And just so you know, fifth time is considered too much. So, think about it. I mean, think back how much you've hurt me.

I've tried to think positive but I failed, again. I tried to hold on my tears, I failed and I have to let it go. I feel like a loser. I feel like an idiot & also I feel so hopeless. I'm so weak. I can't handle small things. Sometimes, I love to drag this issues longer. I just don't understand me. Serious, I don't. I don't understand why I can understand people's situation but me, I don't understand my situation. Infact, I don't know what I'm doing. Sometimes, I don't think before I do things that obviously would affects me. I am so pathetic :[ Besides that, I've changed. I hate smiling to people cus in the end, they would just give me faces or they reply me with fake smile. [ kalo tak ikhlas, takyah senyum skali kan senang ] -.-

The only one who can make me happy is none other than my friends & my crewmates. Thanks for being there for me. I really appreciate your advice and stuff. It really makes me feel better. I hope after all those talks, I would be okay. And now, I'm still not okay. My mind are disturbed with this stupid thing. Urgh, I really can't get over it. Fuck it. I have to move on....

If you feel that you are not satisfied with certain things/the way I talk/ the way I looked at you, feel free to confront with me. But please, talk with nice way or else, nothing would solved. On the other hand, I hope that none of you had hold grudges on me. Thank you.

Shidah & friends, I'm sorry that I could not come last minute due to some urgent things that I must go. I'm so sorry :( And lastly, happy fifteeeeeen birthday Farrah Farisha :)

Lastly, I miss the old us. Can I have it back? *tears rolling down the cheeks*

Jangan Tegur.

2009-04-26T02:38:00.000-07:00

I catch a movie with my sister, my brother in law & his family. We watched Jangan Tegur. And I recommend you people to watch it cause it's way better than the other two movies, jangan pandang belakang and congkak. I swear you will have lots of fun shouting in the cinema. Most of the scene are shocking & scary. Yes, it's damn scary. Go & watch it, it worth your money.

I had difficulties to forget someone. It's really hard, I swear. Eversince the incident, I can't stop thinking about you. Somehow, I just feel like I'm hating you. But you're just one of a kind boy that I think you don't deserved to be hate. Urgh.

Damn.

2009-04-25T06:47:00.001-07:00

I think my life is getting much more better as to compared with my previous old old life. It's easy for me to get rid from problem. Just by dancing and it really solved everything. I mean as in, I don't have to think about it real hard. I am relaxing my mind right now. No more stress, no more thinking but I still have this feelings called, ' Jealous '.

Throw that away & everything is going to be alright. I am a busy girl just now. So many people has been sms-ing me & I'm so sorry that I did not replied to some of you people's smses. kes malas nak layan lah. Hehe...

I think I am so stupid at times. Ain't it?
What the fuck. At least, you people can rely on ME.

Mood- Ain't that good.

2009-04-24T08:15:00.000-07:00

I had fun during practices just now & finally, kak mel came to tjcc just now.

I miss her so much. Gotta find time to spend with her.

Lastly, I am not okay cus I almost cry and nurul saw my tears were almost rolling down my cheeks.

Luckily, I managed to hold on it.

I am so hurt badly.

they love each other.

I have to move on :)

Exams.

2009-04-23T20:59:00.000-07:00

Today, I had my Malay & English paper. It was quite easy but when it comes to letter writting, my mind went completely blank. And, I could not think anything. I think & I turned to the page for reference still, nothing comes out from my mind. I didn't give up, I rest my mind & I read it back & do it with peace. Afterwhich, I leave one of the questions blank cus that question really confused me up. Overall, quite managable.

I sleep after I'm done with English paper one. Afterwhich, teacher hold us back cus one of my classmates phone went missing. I felt pity for him. The phone that he own is N95. tk menangis ke? handphone mahal siol. I went to canteen to get drinks cus I am so thirsthy.

I had a boring life, I know. But it would be boring if I'm in school, when I'm out, it's not bored anymore. Righttttttttt? Oh, I have yet to go to doctor for check up. At the same time, I have not sign my OBS form yet. I'll do it later.

I told my maths teacher that I did not take my maths class test but he ignored me. Wth. It's important cus the marks will be counted to my CA or SA marks. Urgggh.

22nd.

2009-04-22T07:29:00.000-07:00

I left my memory card with farhana's handphone cause I was rushing to the bus-stop cause I'm late for tuition. I don't know for how long she had wait for me but I almost cry at the bus-stop cause the bus is so damn late. I got pissed off that I nearly wanted to walked my way home from Taman Jurong but I'm just too tired so I wait. I reached home at 7.45pm & I rushed myself to my room to get all my things & went to my kitchen & start doing revision. At that point of them, I am so sleepy but I managed to stay awake cause I keep asking my tutor questions that I don't know. Maybe, I'm taking my test tomorrow since I didn't take it on Tuesday.

Let's talk about just now SYF judgement central (?). I think that we've did our best & hope that we could clinched a better award rather than Bronze. I'm still not sure but pendek (fazierah) told me that we got Bronze. Hais, but it's okay. At least, we've try our best for this year's SYF. I don't wished this result to be announced cause it's not good news though. It has been so many years, Angklung clinched Bronze. Should have done better than this :) But teachers said, it was good performance though. Oh yes, the rest, don't be sad. Just accept the facts that we've got Bronze yeah? No use crying already -_-

Tomorrow is my cute-sexy-vogue babe, Bella's 15th birthday! :)

I'm too tired to elaborate more on what I did in school today but I'm proud that I've confront with those who insult us just now in class. I'm proud though I don't look like a girl. What for I must be ashamed? In the end, bdk tu senyap pe? Nevermind, excuse them cause they have not grown up yet. It was clearly shown, by the way. Don't act mature if you're not. Thank you.

I'm full cause I had pizza just now. So yummmmmyyy!